What I Really Want Most in Life Right Now…

Is for…Halle Berry to finally get a new haircut.

C'mon Hal, how long have you been rocking this look for now?

You know the old saying, ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it?’ Well, if I had to guess, I’d say Halle is probably living by that mantra.  I kind of agree with it too, but not in this case.  Halle has a beautiful face and could clearly rock a variety of styles, so why not mix it up every now and then, Hal?  You’ve been wearing the same haircut since Clinton was in office.  I think it’s time to try a little somethin’ somethin’ new.  What do you say?

Is for…The women on The Bachelor to stop crying over Ben or any other “bachelor” for that matter.

Poor, poor Kacie B...whatchu gonna do? Cry over Ben? C'mon girl, get it together!

I’m not even sure I should get started on this subject, because you won’t be able to shut me up.  I’ll try to keep it simple:  Why do these women season after season weep over these lame-o Bachelors?  If you put it into perspective, the whole filming process of The Bachelor is about eight weeks long.  These women barely even know the guys that they’re bawling their eyes out over!  Yet season after season, they carry on as if this bachelor is the last man on earth.  Go figure.

While I’m on The Bachelor subject…

What I also really want most in life right now is for Courtney from The Bachelor to get some payback.  Like, big time payback.

Ugh.

Be careful, Ben, this one is a handful.  She has been nothing but mean-spirited, manipulative, and sinister during this entire season of The Bachelor.  Holy cow, she is probably the meanest woman to ever step foot on The Bachelor, and that is saying a lot, because there have been some doozies!  I think the worst part of all, is that there have been rumors swirling around that she is the one to snag Ben in the end, and GASP, gets proposed to.  Ugh, the nerve of this wench.  If that’s true, which I hope it’s not, one can only hope karma is a real thing, and that it eventually comes back to bite her in her skinny dipping a.

Is to…Finally accept that I basically had a Toddlers in Tiaras childhood.

Yes, this is me.

As some of you already know I have a special place in my heart for Mackenzie from Toddlers in Tiaras, and now you all know why.  Now in my defense, I may be wearing a massive crown and a fur coat, but I hope you notice that there is not a stitch of make-up on my face.  I’d also like to add that I strictly competed in the talent part of the contest, which usually consisted of me singing a song and doing a little tap dance.  I never did that weird thing that the kids do nowadays where they make sexy faces and “eye contact” with the judges.  It was different in the 80′s…Do you all notice a trend here, though?  What I really want most in life right now is to accept my toddlers in tiaras childhood, but as you can see, I’m not quite there yet!

Is to…Start wearing heels again before I am old enough to break a hip from doing so.

I will wear heels again...I will wear heels again...I will wear heels again...

Living in Grenada for two years in flip-flops really did a number on my feet, but if I’m honest, I hadn’t worn heels for a good year or two before that anyhow.  Being such a short little lady (only 5’2″), I should really be rocking some cute heels every now and then, but I don’t.  Ever.  You would think I would be forced to get my feet into some heels now that I’m back in New York, but instead I have graduated to Ugg boots this winter, which are basically the equivalent to flip-flops.  Ugg boots are a great way to cheat wearing real shoes, because they are practically like wearing slippers.  I have got to start wearing heels before I really am old enough to break a hip.  Plus, I have no excuse.  My Grandma Barkoff literally wore four-inch wedges until the day she died, which was at 88!  Would you believe me if I told that I never once saw my grandma stand up without her heels on?  Well, believe it, because my grandma never let anyone see her without her heels!  She even put them on with her robe and pajamas in the morning!  Yeah, I know, that’s awesome, right?

Is to…Be just like Liza Minnelli when I grow up, minus all the drug and alcohol problems.

Icon.

This could actually fall under “What I really want most in life always,” because there is seriously no one else on earth that I would want to switch singing and dancing abilities with.  Who is better than Liza?  I can answer that.  No one.  She is the greatest there is, ever was, and ever will be.

~The End.

Photos by stylebistro.com, wetpaint.com, okhereisthesituation.com, pinterest, collegelifestyles.org, cyanyde.tumblr.com

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31 thoughts on “What I Really Want Most in Life Right Now…

  1. What I really want right now is a genie and a lamp. And perfect grades. Yup, I’m still a student, probably the youngest reader on your blog, but your posts are addicting. And I think this might be the first comment.
    ~Eli

  2. I am SO glad you made a comment about the bachelor and the crying and Courtney/devil-incarnate. My husband will not watch the show with me and I’ve been dying to have some dialogue about it with someone. Courtney needs a good old fashion kick in the butt. Awesome post!

    • My husband watches it with me and we both can’t stand Courtney! But we both also think Ben will pick her because he is very naive. Go figure…

  3. listen short stop – heels ruin your feet, cause your tendons to shorten and cripple you with pain whether you are used to them or not!

    You are beautiful and sweet without them, so why worry?

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

  4. Great post Sarah, your Toddlers and Tiaras post is priceless and hilarious!! BTW you should have added Grandma Barkoff was 88 years young!!! : ) xoxoxox

  5. Let me echo Prenin … I have had surgery on my feet because of decades of wearing heels … embrace your flip-flop Ugg beauty (and healthy feet)!

    I enjoyed your post today, Sarah. Delightful. ~Mona

  6. Sure Sarah that I feel the same, specificlly I wondering to myself when I gonna wear heels again. I moved from the summer Havaianas to the winter Alegria clogs. At the last Summer I even bought a sling heels, black and multiprupose (work, saturday etc.) but the only way that I did with them was at home showing what a nice shoes I know to choose….

  7. You Go Girl! Say it like it is, that’s right. What we are too shy to say ourselves. Ditto for the Bachelorness and any doozies to get their paybacks… sometimes it takes a decade or two though.. wahh….

    You soooo cute! Love it! Sooo cute as a Toddler Tiara! So what they need to do is keep it real… and not creepy with mini outfits and um, other behavior…

    Thank you for sharing!

    And the addiction continues…. sigh..

  8. Cute picture!! I’d totally enter my kid in pageants if they were cute and had a talent, but NO makeup!

    I agree about the Bachelor, but half the fun of watching is seeing how emotional the ladies get. I LOVE Courtney now because she is so evil. I totally think he picked her and then after seeing all that went down will dump her. The next couple weeks will be interesting.

  9. I love dropping by for a visit here.

    It’s like meeting up with an old girlfriend (as in past, not age) and having a glass of wine and catching up and making me smile.

    Life sometimes brings you a prairie storm and whenever I read your blog, it feels like a spring sun shower.

    thank you.

    • Thank you so much for dropping by and reading my blog. I love hearing from readers, and you guys always brighten my day, too!!:)

  10. Sarah- I’ve been following your blog for a while now and have been so impressed with your incredible talent for writing. I echo the comments of the poster above. You have a natural gift for writing and are really effin’ funny. I mean I probably haven’t seen or talked to you since about 1990 so it’s hard to imagine you “all grown up”. We weren’t even that many years apart but when you were 6 and I was 12 it seemed like a lot of years. BTW- What does it say about me that I was like best friends with a 6 year old? I guess middle school was awkward for me. Anyways-when you posted that pageant picture I had to laugh. Out loud. Then I had to write you. It just brought back so many memories of the Sarah I remember….Yes…you were a pageant kid, but a legitimately talented one- and your parents were way too normal and grounded to let you become a Toddler’s and Tiaras train wreck. So glad you are doing well and are pursuing your passion for writing. I look forward to reading more! Oh, and for what it’s worth- I always thought you had that special “sparkle”. Caryn

    • Caryn, I am so happy you’ve been reading my blog!! I am so flattered by your compliments on my writing, and I am so happy I made you laugh. That picture of me in my pageant garb made me laugh too, but then I was like, “Should I put this up? This pic is kinda crazy!” Then, I decided I had to because it was too embarrassingly funny not to share. Yes, my parents were definitely not like those crazy mothers nowadays…thank GOD!! Anyway, I love that we have all kept in touch all this time, and it was so good to hear from you!! xoxo

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