Is for…Halle Berry to finally get a new haircut.
You know the old saying, ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it?’ Well, if I had to guess, I’d say Halle is probably living by that mantra. I kind of agree with it too, but not in this case. Halle has a beautiful face and could clearly rock a variety of styles, so why not mix it up every now and then, Hal? You’ve been wearing the same haircut since Clinton was in office. I think it’s time to try a little somethin’ somethin’ new. What do you say?
Is for…The women on The Bachelor to stop crying over Ben or any other “bachelor” for that matter.
I’m not even sure I should get started on this subject, because you won’t be able to shut me up. I’ll try to keep it simple: Why do these women season after season weep over these lame-o Bachelors? If you put it into perspective, the whole filming process of The Bachelor is about eight weeks long. These women barely even know the guys that they’re bawling their eyes out over! Yet season after season, they carry on as if this bachelor is the last man on earth. Go figure.
While I’m on The Bachelor subject…
What I also really want most in life right now is for Courtney from The Bachelor to get some payback. Like, big time payback.
Be careful, Ben, this one is a handful. She has been nothing but mean-spirited, manipulative, and sinister during this entire season of The Bachelor. Holy cow, she is probably the meanest woman to ever step foot on The Bachelor, and that is saying a lot, because there have been some doozies! I think the worst part of all, is that there have been rumors swirling around that she is the one to snag Ben in the end, and GASP, gets proposed to. Ugh, the nerve of this wench. If that’s true, which I hope it’s not, one can only hope karma is a real thing, and that it eventually comes back to bite her in her skinny dipping a.
Is to…Finally accept that I basically had a Toddlers in Tiaras childhood.
As some of you already know I have a special place in my heart for Mackenzie from Toddlers in Tiaras, and now you all know why. Now in my defense, I may be wearing a massive crown and a fur coat, but I hope you notice that there is not a stitch of make-up on my face. I’d also like to add that I strictly competed in the talent part of the contest, which usually consisted of me singing a song and doing a little tap dance. I never did that weird thing that the kids do nowadays where they make sexy faces and “eye contact” with the judges. It was different in the 80’s…Do you all notice a trend here, though? What I really want most in life right now is to accept my toddlers in tiaras childhood, but as you can see, I’m not quite there yet!
Is to…Start wearing heels again before I am old enough to break a hip from doing so.
Living in Grenada for two years in flip-flops really did a number on my feet, but if I’m honest, I hadn’t worn heels for a good year or two before that anyhow. Being such a short little lady (only 5’2″), I should really be rocking some cute heels every now and then, but I don’t. Ever. You would think I would be forced to get my feet into some heels now that I’m back in New York, but instead I have graduated to Ugg boots this winter, which are basically the equivalent to flip-flops. Ugg boots are a great way to cheat wearing real shoes, because they are practically like wearing slippers. I have got to start wearing heels before I really am old enough to break a hip. Plus, I have no excuse. My Grandma Barkoff literally wore four-inch wedges until the day she died, which was at 88! Would you believe me if I told that I never once saw my grandma stand up without her heels on? Well, believe it, because my grandma never let anyone see her without her heels! She even put them on with her robe and pajamas in the morning! Yeah, I know, that’s awesome, right?
Is to…Be just like Liza Minnelli when I grow up, minus all the drug and alcohol problems.
This could actually fall under “What I really want most in life always,” because there is seriously no one else on earth that I would want to switch singing and dancing abilities with. Who is better than Liza? I can answer that. No one. She is the greatest there is, ever was, and ever will be.
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