4 Awkward Things That Have Happened to me Lately…

1. Practically giving my client a shower at work the other day.

The experience should have been something like this.

Everyone can agree that when they go in to get a hair cut at a salon that the shampoo portion of their overall experience is essential, right?  It sets the stage and is sort of a foreshadowing of what the rest of the service will be like.  Well, the other day, I had a little mishap when shampooing my first client of the day.  The woman came in, swinging her bright orange purse, with an assertiveness that made me a little nervous.  She plopped down in the chair that sits in front of the shampoo bowl and told me exactly how she wanted her hair and then informed me that her main goal was to relax and “veg out for the next hour.”  I said okay, and proceeded to turn the water on, which was the part where, as if on cue, I lost control of the shampoo hose and accidentally sprayed her (and me) and the entire surrounding area around us.  The hose slipped out of my hand like it had a mind of its own.  The more I tried to catch it, the worse the water got all over the place.  I blurted out something frantic like, “I’m sorry there was conditioner all over it and it slipped out of my hand,” and braced myself for the reaming I was sure I was about to receive.  Luckily  she graciously forgave me as she dabbed her smeared mascara, and told me it was no big deal.  I was thankful, but I couldn’t help still feeling incredibly awkward after that.

2. Repeatedly getting stuck in awkward conversations with my landlord.

I have a hunch- the old lady cartoon dubbed “Maxine” could quite possibly have been based on my landlord.

Okay, so don’t get me wrong, I sort of love my old lady landlord who lives across the hall.  Sure, she is always popping out of her apartment and getting in the mix of whatever I’m doing, but she is incredibly entertaining.  She is great with one-liners, and she loves to counsel me on how to stay young.  Amongst her most quotable advice that I’ve already been given in the one short month we’ve lived in our apartment has been, “Eat chicken,” which she yelled out to me randomly one day as I was getting my mail in the foyer of our building.  Another one of her gems was, “Wait to have kids- kids complicate everything.” But probably my favorite words of wisdom so far was, “Eat corn- it keeps you regular so that you are not constipated.  Being constipated gives you wrinkles from clenching.

See the thing is, I never really know how to react to these haphazard statements, so I usually end up just smiling and nodding.  The one thing that I can be sure of, though, is that this landlord (who shall remain nameless) is certain to appear as a character in some of my writing in the future, because she is so fun, colorful, and wonderfully awkward.

3. Almost kicking the girl giving me a pedicure smack-dab in the face.

Picture this:  You have extremely ticklish feet and the girl giving you a pedicure is practically tickle torturing you with the nail filer.  It was stuff nightmares are made out of.  Trust me.  Last weekend I went in for a pedicure, and the girl who normally does my nails was busy.  I was in a hurry, so I took the first available nail technician.  I informed her that I was very ticklish feet and to bypass both the foot massage and heel filing part of the pedicure.  Well, I don’t think she understood me, and she must have thought I was telling her to simply do that part more gently, because she was being so delicate with my feet that after two straight minutes of her lightly scraping the heels of my feet with the foot filer, I couldn’t take it anymore and my foot sprang up involuntarily and came two inches from kicking her clean in the face.  I felt really bad and apologized a bunch of times.  However, even then I don’t think I got the message through, because she picked the torture device (foot filer) back up, and resumed lightly filing my feet.  Ugh.

4. Overhearing a TMI conversation.

Trust me honey, nobody wants to hear your convo.

I was oddly getting cell phone service on the subway the other day, when the train was stalled above ground for a few minutes.  There I sat, minding my own business and texting a friend, when a woman, around my age, had gotten on at the stop right before and sat down next to me.  Almost immediately, she decided to make the most out of the train delay and apparently call her gynecologist.  I am not going to get into the details about the personal matters she discussed, but let me just say that it involved, “unusually large blood clots,” “foul-smelling discharge,” and “dryness.”  For a moment I thought I might be on that show “What Would You Do?“, so I decided to not act too obviously disgusted, you know, in case I was getting ready for my big close up.  However, once I realized that this was for real, I couldn’t believe that someone would discuss such personal matters in public.

~The End.

Photos by donmilleris.com, and Pinterest.

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Six Things I Might Never Understand.

1.)  How some people can go days and days or sometimes weeks without washing their hair. 

I just don’t get it.  As a hairstylist, this has been one of the most elusive things for me to try and understand about people.  I’ve come across many perfectly put together people, who just don’t like/or want to have clean hair.  Maybe the natural oils give them more body or control over their hair, or maybe they just like the organic smell of dirty hair.

Okay, so I love Edward too, but Robert Pattinson is said to go weeks without washing his hair. Even though I'm Team Edward, I've got to say EEEW.

I once overheard a boss telling a client, “You only need to wash your hair once a month.”  The client said, “Wow, really?!”  To which he replied, “Oh yes, I haven’t washed my hair in over two months.  I just rinse it out, and layer more conditioner on it.”  Uhhhh…Say what?!  I may never understand this concept.  I think I’ll stick with my fresh, shiny, and clean hair any day of the week.  Thankyouverymuch….but to each their own, I guess.

2.)  Grown-up Cartoons

I’m sorry to say this, but I just don’t get it…any of them…South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Beavis and Butthead, etc.

I know you guys might hate me for this, but what is funny about this again?

To be honest with you, if I’m going to sit down and watch a cartoon, I’d rather watch good ol’ Scooby-Doo.  I’ve tried to watch a variety of adult cartoons many times, but each time, I can’t get through more than five minutes.  Maybe it’s just not my sense of humor…Whatever the reason, grown up cartoons don’t float my boat.

3.)  Debates on Facebook

Seriously, what is up with getting into back and forth disputes on Facebook.  You guys know what I’m talking about…someone writes something that someone else doesn’t agree with, someone comments back refuting what the original person said, original person defends their stance, other people get involved, situation gets out of control, and so on and so forth.

Exactly what I'm talking about. P.S. I stole this from twentytwowords.com

Here’s a concept:  If you don’t like what someone says, how about just not saying anything at all?  I kind of thought we all learned that in Kindergarten.  I read plenty of things that I think are completely ludicrous, but every time I want to write something in response, I just think to myself, “Why bother???”  Chances are you’re not going to change their mind anyway.  So, why not just leave well enough alone?  If someone thinks Marvin the Martian would be a great President, who really cares?

4.)  Juice Diets

For those of you who’ve done it, please tell me how, because I never could.  I gotta to eat.

Yuck.

I’ve never detoxed, gone on a juice diet, raw food only diet, or anything else of the sort.  I suspect that I wouldn’t make it more than a day if I tried.  Juice diets are so perplexing to me.  Yes, you can probably drop a lot of weight quickly, but I assume that the second you start eating solid foods again, the weight probably just piles back on.  So, what’s the point?  For those of you who regularly “juice” to lose weight, please enlighten me about the benefits and why you do it.  I’m genuinely interested.

5.)  Phone games.

You don’t have to tell me, I already know I am completely alone in this.  Everyone seems to love phone games, whether it’s Words With Friends, Fruit Ninja, Angry Birds, etc.  Even my three-year nephew when asked what he wanted to be for Halloween declared, “An Angry Bird!”

However, I don’t get what’s so transfixing about them.  Alec Baldwin almost got kicked off a plane because he couldn’t put down his game of Words With Friends for godsakes!  So, what gives?  Why is everyone so obsessed?  I’ve never been very competitive, so maybe that has something to do with it…Or maybe I just haven’t found the right game yet…

6.)  Football

Yes, I fully admit this.  I really don’t get it.

At all.

Okay, why would I want to sit outside in this weather to watch this game again?

I don’t get what the game is all about, and I don’t get why people love it so much, or why they’re willing to sit outside in sleet or rain to cheer on their favorite team.

One time, I went to a college football game in the dead of winter, and decided it was a good idea to wear a flimsy jacket and heeled boots.  I just couldn’t bring myself to layer up like the rest of the normal people.  Plus, I thought I looked cute.  Well, it started raining, my pants got wet up to my knees, and I swear I’ve never been more cold or miserable in my life!

I really don’t think there is any hope for me when it comes to football.  I’ve had many chances to embrace the game.  I was a cheerleader for a total of 6 years between middle school and high school, and I still don’t get it.  Many people have tried to explain it to me, but every time they get about half-way through, I usually end up looking at my nails and deciding I need a manicure.  Let’s be real, I’m just not that interested.

So, tell me…

What are some things you might never understand?

~The End.

Photos by Twentytwowords.com, IMDB, Amazon, juice-diets.com, and nflpassers.com

The Best Advice I’ve NEVER Received, But Wish I Had…

Are you ready?

Get over it.

So, I thought I’d do a sequel to the post I did a little while back called, “The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received, and tell you a little about a lesson I wish I had learned a lot earlier.

Before we begin, I’d like to get a disclaimer out there right off the bat.  The goal of this post is not to be insensitive to any people seriously suffering from any clinical disorder, or dealing with obvious life situations that this sentiment would be considered unsympathetic to.  However, this post is a reflection of my own meandering thoughts on the topic, and nothing more.

With that…

Let’s talk about get over it for a minute.  It sounds a little like tough love, doesn’t it?  Well, that’s because it is tough love, and tough love ain’t easy.  Sometimes it’s difficult dole out that kind of advice, because you don’t want to hurt someones feelings.  On the receiving end it’s not any easier to hear it, because you might feel that your feelings are being dismissed, or like you’re not being understood.  Overall, it’s tricky ground to tread either way.

For me, I think that if someone would have told me to get over it in different situations throughout my life, I would have been devastated at first, but I do believe it might have been the best thing for me to hear in the long run.  The reason being, that sometimes when you’re in the midst of a situation it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s also very easy to get stuck in the tunnel for years and years not being able to see your way out.

Now, I’m not saying that if someone says get over it that it will act as a magical snap of the fingers to fix all of your problems.  No no no no no.  That’s not what I’m saying at all.  What I am saying is that sometimes you need to hear the truth, not be coddled, or have advice sugar-coated, to finally have the tools to begin the journey to find that light.  You feel me?  It’s not an easy quest, though, and I sympathize with anyone beginning it.

Just to give you a specific example of an experience I’ve had (P.S. I absolutely hate talking about this), was when I went through a bad break-up that lasted entirely to long. I spent years (I’m not kidding) exhausting my friends talking about it, probably draining my mother harping on it, and basically letting it get in the way of almost every aspect of my life.  It was totally ridiculous. To be honest, I wish someone had given me a swift kick in the arse, and told me to get the hell over it.

I’ve had other experiences as well that would have qualified me to hear get over it, and I’ve also been in situations where I’ve wanted to tell someone else to get over it.  Although I don’t think that I ever actually have.

The moral of this story is that sometimes it’s good to hear what you don’t want to hear.  It’s not fun, and it doesn’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside either, but that’s not the point.  The point is, sometimes you need someone else to point out to you what you might not be able to see yourself.

~The End

To Run Or Not To Run, That Is The Question?!

When I don’t have any new music to work-out to, I inevitably become unmotivated.  It happens to me all the time.  When there isn’t anything new pumping me up, I end up just watching the little timer on whatever machine I’m on, tick-tock-tick-tocking away, until IT’S FINALLY OVER!  There is no greater moment, than when I’m done.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy exercise, I really do, but I’m one of those people who needs to be distracted while doing so, or else I become resentful of the whole idea to begin with.  However, when I have new and exciting music to inspire me, I can work out for hours without even thinking about.

Lately I’ve tried EVERYTHING in seek of new things to preoccupy myself with while exercising, but I’ve come up totally empty.  I’ve solicited music recommendations on Facebook, and I’ve even tried listening to audio books on my iPod, which began a whirlwind love affair for a minute, until one day I was so over audio books that I never want to hear one ever again.

Today, I decided to do something different with my work-out regime, and attempted to go for a run outside, instead of my usual elliptical routine mixed with weight training.  I’ve been feeling cooped up inside lately, and I thought that maybe it might be nice to not listen to any music and to just enjoy the beautiful sites of Grenada.  I don’t run very much at all anymore, with the exception of the 5K I did on September 11th, but it’s something I used to do all the time.  As I was lacing up my sneakers, I couldn’t remember why I hadn’t been running in so long?

I went outside and began what was supposed to be a lovely little nature run, and I got about twenty minutes in, and I remembered why I had taken a hiatus from running.

Because (pardon my french) running sucks.

At least in my opinion, it does.

Ugh.  I hadn’t been running, because I freaking hate running!  How did I fail not to remember that?

Here’s the kicker about running…

Ummm...So I kind of hate the term "FML" but this deserves a big ol' FML.

Just like this picture says, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, you’re past the point of no return.  That’s exactly what happened to me.  I was jogging along, until I realized I was totally and utterly over it.  Now if I’m honest, I probably realized I was over it about .5 seconds into it, but I was in denial.  I tried to use reverse psychology on myself, and when my mind started gearing toward the negative thought of, “This kinda blows,” I tried to tell myself it was so wonderful to running outside with all these lovely sites to see, and I even tried to think happier thoughts like,”Hooray, what a marvelous run this is!”  However, it was not working.  Not one bit.  I was over it, and I knew it.

Now I’m not sure if it was the uneven ground that I almost broke my back on, or if it was the strange man across the street carrying a machete (Btdubs, don’t be alarmed at this at all.  I swear it’s totally normal for people to carry around machetes here) but something made this experience hit a sour note.  Maybe it was just simply the fact that I was sweating profusely and tired as hell?  Yeah, that was probably it.  Either way, all in one moment, I was done.

So, now what?

I almost hailed a reggae bus (which is basically equivalent to a cab around here), but I realized I had no money, hence the work-out clothes.  Ugh.

I had no other choice but to walk the whole way back (which now in retrospect wasn’t all that far), but at the time, I was not in the mood.  The whole way home I cursed running, and vowed to never ever embark upon such a wretched journey ever again.

So there.

Oh yeah, and me and running?  Well, today we broke up.  Forever.

~The End

Photo by someecards.com

The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received…

Are you ready?

Be genuine.  

Or also…just be yourself…be authentic…be real…etc…

These two little words ‘be genuine’ sound so simple, don’t they?  However, I think they are harder to live by.  I think that sometimes in life it’s easier to not be yourself, and to be the person that people want you to be, and not who you truly are.  I think it’s human nature to want harmony, and sometimes the easiest way to get there is to be someone you’re not.  This might come in the form of not speaking up in a situation where your opinion differs from others, e.g. politics, religion, etc., or in relationships of all kinds, both romantic and platonic.  I can honestly say that, I for one, have done this, and have also been a repeat offender of it, too.  At my bridal shower someone put me on the spot and asked me what about this relationship with my husband was different from other relationships I’ve had, and the answer was simple.  I can be myself.  It’s not that I wasn’t myself in other relationships, because I was, but I think that I was an edited version of myself.  I didn’t do it intentionally, but I think I also didn’t really know who I was at the time, either.  After a particularly bad break-up in my mid 20’s, I spent a long time just being alone, and had an opportunity to figure out the things thatenjoyed.  During that time on my own, I realized what the problem was in other relationships; I wasn’t myself completely, and the reality was, I wasn’t dating people who allowed me to be me.  Once I realized that, I decided that in my next relationship I was going to be 100%, without a doubt, completely unbridled, me.

And I was.

And it worked out for me.

Unfortunately it doesn’t work out that way all the time, or it actually does in retrospect.  Sometimes being yourself means the end of a relationship, but I think that’s okay.  In fact, I think its better than okay.  It’s the best thing for you.  The end of a relationship, where you have genuinely been yourself, is a gift because it means that you are no longer wasting your time, and you’re now free to move onto finding the person who will truly appreciate you for who you are.  That’s exactly how it happened for me, and I wouldn’t change a thing.  With my husband I can say whatever I want about anything, and although he might look at me sometimes like I’m crazy, he never judges me.  I don’t have to apologize for who I am, or what I think, and I’m glad I have finally learned how to live by such simple words, and at the same time, have found someone who also allows me to.

I think if you aren’t genuine, it can really bite you in the ‘a for various reasons, some of which I have just discussed…

So…

And when you do, be you. Just do it. <--That's what Nike said.

And that is why, in my opinion, there is no better advice than “be genuine”…

Or is there?…

I thought I’d leave you with a couple of silly zingers that were also in the running for the best advice I’ve ever received.  These quotes are courtesy of my Grandma Barkoff and Matt’s Nana.  Don’t G-ma’s have the best advice, like, ever?!

My Grandma Barkoff:

“Sometimes you gotta eat the sh*t.” <–A simple saying for the times when you have to just suck it up, and deal with the curve balls life throws you.

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

“What a life without a wife, and here I am without a man.” (She said this both to me when I didn’t have a boyfriend, and about herself after my grandpa passed away.)

“You can’t catch ‘em on the second bounce.” (Basically means that sometimes you don’t have more than one chance, so be mindful with the first.)

Matt’s Nana:

“You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”

“Pat someone on the back while you’re kicking them in the a** at the same time.” <–Ha!  Classic!

“It’s better to be a silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.”

And finally, a quote that Matt and I discovered both of our grandmothers told us when we were growing up:

“He who laughs last, laughs best.”

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

A Somewhat Hairy Sitch…

So, today I decided to give myself a haircut.  Why?  I really couldn’t tell ya.  Maybe it was boredom?  Living in the Caribbean I know sounds super exotic, right?  Well, that was kind of rude of me to assume, maybe it sounds like a H-E-double L- hole to you…either way or however you view it, I guarantee this place is not what it seems to you…ugh, there I go again with the assuming…I guess what I am trying to say is, living in Grenada is not always that exciting, and sometimes you have to make your own fun, which is precisely what I did today. (<–If by fun you mean almost having a breakdown because you got half-way through cutting your own hair, only to realize that there was a very very good chance you were about to ruin your hair, then it was tons and tons of fun! WOOO!  Can you tell I’m lying?  I am totally lying to you right now.

I woke up this morning feeling like, UGH.  Do you ever wake up feeling like that?  I just looked in the mirror and my hair looked so flat and tepid, that I thought my hair could use a little one-two, and that was it.  The idea to cut my own hair was sprung…(Btdubs, I have cut my own hair before, but just a lil’ trim and everything turned out just fine, so what was the harm?)…I know you’re probably wondering why there aren’t places in Grenada where I can go and have my hair cut, and I will answer that question by saying, there are places, but I have heard horror stories about them chopping off people’s hair and such.  So, therefore I wouldn’t even consider entrusting my tresses into those wretched scenes. On a side note, it is me who actually is the resident hair stylist on campus, and I do cuts out of our apartment all the time, because the students don’t want to have their huuuur cut by any of those cray cray hair places either…(<–Can you tell I am trying my best to justify to you all that I am not a high maintenance loony person?)  P.S. They have been known to cut women’s layers with a clipper. (<–Yep, stillllll justifying…) Anyway, so I thought my idea was a brilliant one, and I even told me husband about my plan, and he said, and I quote, “Oh Lordy, I’m gettin’ out of here.”  Because he knows where this little endeavor was about to take me, and even he could see that it was taking me on sure shot ride straight to where the crazy people reside.

So, I got my little spot all set up, in our bathroom, which is where all the magic was going to happen.  I had my handheld mirror, combs, water bottle, mat on the floor (as to not make a mess), and I was ready to go.  I wet my hair down, sectioned it out with clips, and everything was right with the universe.  About half-way through trimming the ends of my hair, I started to get cocky, and my mind raced in a bit of a mania, and I thought to myself, “I am already cutting my hair…and the wedding is over now…so why not just go for it, and really give myself a change.”  Yes, anyone can see where this story is headed.

P.S.  This is where pictures of the wondrous experience would be, but I can’t even post them because you would all see the photographs of a woman on the verge of hysterical histrionics.  ‘Nuff said.

So, I proceeded to take more and more off the layers, until I got to a point, of what some might call, no return…kind of a fork in the road…a dead end, if you will…but I had to keep going, I mean, I had no choice.  I had over ambitiously cut way too much off the layers at the back of my head, so when I got to the front of my hair, I freaked.  When I saw that in order for my hair to be even all the way throughout, that I needed to take off…well, a lot of hair (I don’t even want to tell you inches because it will make you shudder), I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown.

Matt came into the bathroom and attempted to defuse the situation.  He said, “Would it help if I took some pictures?” (He was only trying to help, because I had, had a tripod set up to take some shots while I was doing what was supposed to be a fun little project…)  But it wasn’t the picture-taking situation that had me worked up, it was this dreadful haircut I was knee-deep in that had me cursing the world.  I didn’t even need to answer, because I think he could see the crazy look in my eye, that there would be no pictures today.  No, none at all.  It was not a picture perfect kind of day.

I managed to walk away for a few minutes to compose my thoughts, eat some candy, read my blog comments, twiddle my thumbs, before going back into the place that had become my own little personal hell…aka, the scene of the crime.  So, I gathered my thoughts, took a deep breath, picked my sanity off the floor, and began to cut.

Somehow, someway I managed to finish without completely losing my marbles.  I just calmly went through the rest of my hair section by section, until I finished.  When all was said and done, it actually looked…good.  I have to say, I was actually pleasantly surprised with the results…which leads me to believe that maybe I was just being crazy, and it really wasn’t that bad all along…Perhaps I just thought it was…

All I know is, whatever the case may have been, I will never…and I repeat…never…cut my own hair again.  I prom.

P.S. Remind me that I made this vow 6 months from now…

Vintage delight, anyone?

The website http://www.annetaintor.com/ is seriously my new addiction.  I am completely obsessed and entertained by all of these hilarious vintage inspired creations.  The visionary behind the products is a woman named Anne Taintor, who got her hands on some 1950’s vintage prints, and decided to put her own amusing interpretation on what the men and/or women in the pictures might really be thinking.  Her merchandise ranges anywhere from magnets, notepads, pins, to purses. I probably spent 2 hours last night looking at all the products and L(ing)OL! This magnet is one of my favorites:

Me too...Me too...

Some of these quirky items will definitely be on my birthday and Xmas list this December…

P.S.  I think I should have been born in the 1950’s, because I have always loved anything 50’s inspired…the tea length dresses with the petticoats underneath, the modest necklines, cat’s eye glasses, and the pedal pushers.

If you could go back in time, what fashion era do you think you should have been from?