Seven Things That Are Underrated (if you ask me)…

1. A woman with a firm handshake

Totally boss.

I don’t know about you, but I appreciate a confident, firm handshake when shaking another woman’s hand.  Nothing is worse than going in for an assertive grip only to be met by a feeble handshake in return . Those limp hand shakes are for the birds, and leave me asking, “What woman started this wimpy habit?”  I think there is something so refreshing about a woman with some substance behind that palm.  To me, it says, “I’m a strong, capable, secure woman, and I’m not afraid to show it.”  C’mon ladies, men do it, so why don’t we?

2. Eating dinner alone

When I was younger I hated being alone.  I could easily spend days and nights completely consumed by hanging out with my friends.  In fact, the first day I met my friend Reagan, we ended up spending nearly a week together, going back and forth to each others apartments.  I still love my friends (and my husband), but I no longer mind eating dinner alone.  I could easily go sit by myself at a café or diner and be completely content there alone without anyone else to talk to.  I think with age you start to appreciate alone time more (at least I do), and those times where you can turn your brain off become highly underrated.

3. Comfortable Silence

Does anyone remember this scene in Pulp Fiction?

It goes something like this:

Mia: Don’t you hate that?

Vincent: What?

Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bulls*it in order to be comfortable?

Vincent: I don’t know. That’s a good question.

Mia: That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

P.S.  Isn’t that true?

4. Getting lost

I hate to sound cliché, but everything really does happen for a reason.  Sometimes it’s good to be lost, and sometimes it’s good to not have your life completely planned out.  Trust me, I learned this one the hard way.  I spent most of my early 20′s trying to control everything and everyone who walked into and out of my life.  Finally something clicked one day, and I realized that living my life this way made me miserable, so I decided to make a change.  One of the best times of my life was when I decided to stop looking at the big picture, just take each day at a time, and give myself permission to flounder…and do you want to know a secret?  I became happier, and something wonderful happened.  I met Matt, who eventually became my husband.  You might think something is right for you, whether it be a job, relationship, etc., but it might not be what is best for you.  If you refuse to let yourself be lost, than you never allow yourself to truly be found.

5. Handwritten letters sent in the mail

Snail mail is way underrated.

In a generation where we can connect with people all over the world in a matter of seconds, it’s almost impossible to not take advantage of the internet and email.  However, I think sending a good, old-fashioned letter or card in the mail is completely underrated.  Think about it.  What if you opened your mailbox today, and received a note from a friend telling you how much they missed you, instead of simply writing it on your Facebook wall.  How special would that make you feel?  Yep, pretty special.  That’s what I thought

6. Electric blankets

So genius.

The fact that I found this picture, where the model is trying her best to look super cool as she is luxuriously wrapped up in the electric blanket, is so funny to me.  So, I know we’re moving in on summer here, but I’ve got to tell you, electric blankets are totally underrated.  If you’ve ever slept in one, especially in the dead of winter, than you know exactly what I’m talking about.  It’s warm…it’s cozy…and it’s phenomenal…Enough said.

7. Diners, Drive-In’s and Dives

Best. Show. Ever.

I am seriously obsessed with this show, and think it’s the bomb.  Let me guess, you’ve never heard of it, right?  That doesn’t surprise me, because every time I try to shoot the sh*t with someone about it, they have no idea what I’m talking about.  If you’ve never seen it, it’s basically a cooking show where the host, Guy Fieri, travels around the United States in search of the best diners, drive-in’s and dives.  It’s not your average cooking show, in that it doesn’t go into all the tedious step by step process of a recipe, but it does give you a recap of numerous cooks whipping up deliciously unhealthy grub that is sure to make your mouth water.  In a nutshell, this show is entertaining and tons of fun, but completely underrated, because hardly anyone has heard of it.

Photos by New York Daily News, Pinterest, IMDB, The Food Network, http://www.notthatkindofgirl.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/catladydinner.jpg

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I Bet You Think This Song Is About You…

You wanna know what I find awkward?  When singers sing their own names in songs.

Has anybody else ever noticed this?  When I hear an artist lovingly singing their own name, whether it’s amidst a long drawn out riff, or a random shout-out in the background of a song, I cannot help but feel my skin crawl.  I don’t know, maybe something about it reminds me of the old Greek mythology tale of Narcissus, or the heeby-jeeby way I feel when people speak of themselves in the third person…whatever it is, it’s awkward, and I wish all those that exercise this strange, strange habit would just, well, stop.

The First Offender:  James Taylor

Go on, get down with your bad self, James.

The first time I experienced this phenomenon was a few summers ago while watching James Taylor on a hot summer night in concert at Jones Beach.  It was a wonderful concert, don’t get me wrong, and James Taylor can still hold his own in a two-hour plus concert.  However, I couldn’t help it.  I cringed a little when he started breaking it down on his guitar while singing, “Baby James” over and over, as he shook his head in pure jamming mode.  I squirmed a little, as I looked at everyone else in surrounding seats, happily singing along to his classics.  Was I the only one noticing this awkwardness?  I glanced back up at James Taylor on the huge stage, still improvising on his guitar.  “Baby James’ he crooned again, this time with more emotion and conviction.

Hadn’t anyone ever told James Taylor that this was an awkward little habit?  I imagined that anyone close to him probably felt too uncomfortable to point it out, and thus enabled ‘this thing’ to go on and on…

Anyway, after my James Taylor discovery, I suddenly started taking notice of other singers doing it.  They seemed to be popping up everywhere which way I turned.

The Second Offender:  Lady Gaga

The Gaga-nator.

Does this ring a bell?

“Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la! <–Um, yeah she just gave herself a shout-out while chanting in her song Bad Romance.

Now I love Gaga, people, so don’t get it twisted.  She’s a good ol’ Italian gal, she loves Liza Minnelli as much as I do, and she sounds amazing live.  But still, she has a penchant for belting out her own name.

Recently in an interview on Oprah, Lady Gaga’s mother was asked what she thought of her daughter growing up.  Her mother responded something like, “Well, I always kinda thought she had a screw loose?”  Uh, yeah, you think?

The Third Offender, and might I add, WORST Offender:  Jason Derulo

"Jason Deruuuuuuuuloooooooo," as sung by Jason Derulo.

Jason Derulo’s habit of doing this is by far the worst.  He has multiple YouTube videos dedicated to this unbecoming habit, and even a Facebook page entitled, ahem, “Jason Derulo Sings His Own Name.”  He thinks nothing of riffing his own name, or saying it all breathy at the beginning of his songs.  I’m sure he just wants us to know who he is, but I have to ask myself, is this really the way to go about it?  Eh, I don’t think so, but maybe that’s just me…

So, you tell me, has anyone else ever noticed singers crooning their own names?

~The End.

Photos by boardwalkhall.com, idolator.com

I Had Awkward Years…And So Did You.

About two years ago my brother-in-law got his hands on one of my photo albums, where I put miscellaneous pictures that I don’t know what else to do with.  He was casually rummaging through the pages commenting here and there, until he stopped on one picture in particular, and proceeded to burst out into hysterical laughter.  I said, “What?  What are you laughing at?  Show me!”  He pulled the picture out of the photo jacket and there it was.  The. Most. Awkward. Picture. Of. Me. Ever.  “I knew I should have destroyed this when I had the chance!” I said, slipping it back into its place in the album and closing it shut.

Rewind a few months earlier to when my mother was having discovery of her own.  She found the same infamous picture at my family’s home back in Michigan while cleaning out the garage.  The day she found it, she called to inform me of her finding.  When I answered the phone and said, “Hello?” All I heard on the other end was my mother’s laughter.  “What?” I asked, “What is so funny?”  When my mom finally stopped laughing she said, “I found the funniest picture of you ever!”  I asked her to describe the picture to me, and once she mentioned the mustard colored B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirt I was wearing in it (which by the way was a staple in my wardrobe at age 9), I knew exactly what picture she was talking about.  I told her I wanted to see it for myself, so she mailed it to me.

The day it came in the mail, I opened the envelope and pulled out the picture, and I couldn’t help it, I started laughing, too.  “Had I really been that awkward?!” I asked myself.  Later that night I showed it to Matt and he said, “Ha!  You still make that face!”  I snatched it back from him, to get a closer look.  “I do?” I asked, analyzing it.  “No way.”  I held the picture out, tilting my head to the side, as if it might help me see myself hidden somewhere in my nine-year old body more clearly.  “I’m going to destroy this thing,” I suddenly said at once, ready to tear it in half.  “No, you can’t.  Those are memories,” Matt said.  As I flipped the picture over, and saw my late grandfather’s handwriting, I thought better of it, and decided to not make the rip.  Not knowing what else to do with it, I stuck it behind another picture in my photo album and forgot about it.  That is, until it was uncovered a few months later.

So, what do you do with your most awkward picture ever?  I can’t necessarily destroy the thing, it wouldn’t be right, and it’s bound to be discovered again…and again…

At this point, the only thing I see fitting is to own this picture, and my awkwardness, and everything else that was inelegant about my most clumsy years.

Yes, I’ve decided to unveil it.

Drum roll, please.

The pink and purple moon boots are a nice touch, eh?

So, there you have it…my most awkward picture ever.

C’mon you all were awkward, too, right?

~The End.

Photos by awkwardme.com.

What I Really Want Most in Life Right Now…

Is for…Halle Berry to finally get a new haircut.

C'mon Hal, how long have you been rocking this look for now?

You know the old saying, ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it?’ Well, if I had to guess, I’d say Halle is probably living by that mantra.  I kind of agree with it too, but not in this case.  Halle has a beautiful face and could clearly rock a variety of styles, so why not mix it up every now and then, Hal?  You’ve been wearing the same haircut since Clinton was in office.  I think it’s time to try a little somethin’ somethin’ new.  What do you say?

Is for…The women on The Bachelor to stop crying over Ben or any other “bachelor” for that matter.

Poor, poor Kacie B...whatchu gonna do? Cry over Ben? C'mon girl, get it together!

I’m not even sure I should get started on this subject, because you won’t be able to shut me up.  I’ll try to keep it simple:  Why do these women season after season weep over these lame-o Bachelors?  If you put it into perspective, the whole filming process of The Bachelor is about eight weeks long.  These women barely even know the guys that they’re bawling their eyes out over!  Yet season after season, they carry on as if this bachelor is the last man on earth.  Go figure.

While I’m on The Bachelor subject…

What I also really want most in life right now is for Courtney from The Bachelor to get some payback.  Like, big time payback.

Ugh.

Be careful, Ben, this one is a handful.  She has been nothing but mean-spirited, manipulative, and sinister during this entire season of The Bachelor.  Holy cow, she is probably the meanest woman to ever step foot on The Bachelor, and that is saying a lot, because there have been some doozies!  I think the worst part of all, is that there have been rumors swirling around that she is the one to snag Ben in the end, and GASP, gets proposed to.  Ugh, the nerve of this wench.  If that’s true, which I hope it’s not, one can only hope karma is a real thing, and that it eventually comes back to bite her in her skinny dipping a.

Is to…Finally accept that I basically had a Toddlers in Tiaras childhood.

Yes, this is me.

As some of you already know I have a special place in my heart for Mackenzie from Toddlers in Tiaras, and now you all know why.  Now in my defense, I may be wearing a massive crown and a fur coat, but I hope you notice that there is not a stitch of make-up on my face.  I’d also like to add that I strictly competed in the talent part of the contest, which usually consisted of me singing a song and doing a little tap dance.  I never did that weird thing that the kids do nowadays where they make sexy faces and “eye contact” with the judges.  It was different in the 80′s…Do you all notice a trend here, though?  What I really want most in life right now is to accept my toddlers in tiaras childhood, but as you can see, I’m not quite there yet!

Is to…Start wearing heels again before I am old enough to break a hip from doing so.

I will wear heels again...I will wear heels again...I will wear heels again...

Living in Grenada for two years in flip-flops really did a number on my feet, but if I’m honest, I hadn’t worn heels for a good year or two before that anyhow.  Being such a short little lady (only 5’2″), I should really be rocking some cute heels every now and then, but I don’t.  Ever.  You would think I would be forced to get my feet into some heels now that I’m back in New York, but instead I have graduated to Ugg boots this winter, which are basically the equivalent to flip-flops.  Ugg boots are a great way to cheat wearing real shoes, because they are practically like wearing slippers.  I have got to start wearing heels before I really am old enough to break a hip.  Plus, I have no excuse.  My Grandma Barkoff literally wore four-inch wedges until the day she died, which was at 88!  Would you believe me if I told that I never once saw my grandma stand up without her heels on?  Well, believe it, because my grandma never let anyone see her without her heels!  She even put them on with her robe and pajamas in the morning!  Yeah, I know, that’s awesome, right?

Is to…Be just like Liza Minnelli when I grow up, minus all the drug and alcohol problems.

Icon.

This could actually fall under “What I really want most in life always,” because there is seriously no one else on earth that I would want to switch singing and dancing abilities with.  Who is better than Liza?  I can answer that.  No one.  She is the greatest there is, ever was, and ever will be.

~The End.

Photos by stylebistro.com, wetpaint.com, okhereisthesituation.com, pinterest, collegelifestyles.org, cyanyde.tumblr.com

The Change Panic

I have change counting phobia.

There I said it.

How old are you when you learn to count money again?  Six…seven?

Maybe I need to go back to elementary school? I'd probably still fit behind one of the desks...

I distinctly remember learning to count money in maybe first of second grade.  We had these little paper coins and dollars that we would use to practice with.  It frustrated me then, and I’m still frustrated now.

Don’t get it twisted, I know how to count money.  That’s not the issue.  The issue is the sheer panic I fall under while doing so.

Sometimes I wish I had one of these.

I went shopping the other day, and when it came time to pay, the change called for 67 cents.  Easy right?  Normally, but there were at least four impatient people behind me.  I started frantically searching through my wallet, muttering under my breath, “I swear I had a quarter in here somewhere.”  The sales girl, who was probably about seventeen, was chomping on her gum, staring at me in disbelief.  I pulled out some change, dropping multiple coins on the floor, and that’s when I really started to panic.  A nice southern gentleman behind me picked it up, handing it to me, and giving me an “I feel sorry for you” smile.  As I retrieved the coins, I immediately started counting, but I kept getting stuck from the pressure. “Ten, fifteen, twenty,” I mentally counted, “Wait was that twenty cents I just counted?  What did I just count?!”  I stared down at the coins in my hand, the hysteria blurring my vision, and started over.  Getting frustrated, I handed her my entire handful of change, and let out a deep sigh of relief that it was off my hands.  She looked at me like, “Are you crazy?” And proceeded to count it out for me, pushing the remaining change back over to me across the counter when she was done.  I weakly smiled, embarrassed that I’m a 29-year-old woman who has change counting panic.

I’ve got to be honest, I think I totally deserve a big fat “Who does that, like seriously who does that” label?

After all, I’ve earned it.

My only question is:  Am I alone in this?  Or do other people have the “change panic” too?

~The End.

Photos by phillysportsphan.blogspot.com, and pinterest.  

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas…

I can’t believe it’s already December, and that Christmas and my birthday are right around the corner!

On Saturday, I am getting the best birthday gift of all, which is to fly back to New York…ahem… first class.  Woo-Hoo!  I seriously cannot wait!

It’s crazy to think that today I spent one of my last days in Grenada soaking up some sun, but by Saturday, we’ll be back to the blistering cold again.

Here’s a shot from the beach today…

Grand Anse Beach

And how appropriate that we should return back to a New York winter, considering the first time we arrived in Grenada, we were escaping one of the worst New York winters ever!

January 2010. One of our first days ever in Grenada.

I guess you could say, we are coming full circle.

I’m definitely looking forward to some snow, which I can’t believe I actually just said, but I truly am.  I think what I’m really excited about is just being back in the great U.S. of A, and being with our families for the holiday season.

I have to give it to Grenada, they really do a great job bringing the holiday vibe to the island, despite the uncharacteristically hot, balmy weather.  Since mid October (yes, mid-October) all the workers in the local shops have been sporting red Santa hats, and everywhere you go, they play Christmas music.  Get this, one of the most popular albums they play is Dolly Parton’s “Home For Christmas!”  If that’s not random, I don’t know what is!  Let’s just say, I’m thrilled about it!

Snazzy outfit, Doll.

I have to admit, though, it definitely hasn’t been easy to get into the holiday spirit, even with Dolly on my side.  That is why I cannot wait to soak up all the holiday season has to offer in New York with Matt’s family, and Michigan with my family.

I fully intend on watching some of my favorite holiday flicks like…

1.)  Serendipity

This movie captures the holiday’s in NYC perfectly, complete with a glove war at Bloomingdale’s, and ice skating at Rockefeller Center.

And maybe Matt and I might finally make it into the city for some frozen hot chocolate at  the famous Serendipity 3, where we’ve meant to go since we started dating 4.5 years ago!  We haven’t made it yet, but here’s hoping.

Serendipity 3, where the film Serendipity was shot. P.S. It's right around the corner from Bloomingdale's, too, which could be dangerous...or fantastic!

2.)  Little Women

Don’t make fun!  This is one of my movies ever, mostly because I remind myself of Jo.  By the way, I took a Facebook quiz not too long ago called, “Which March sister are you?”, and I got Meg!  I was seriously so mad, I took it 3 more times, until I manipulated it to tell me I was the most like Jo.  True story.

Oh Marmee...P.S. I think I might have my future children call me Marmee, how cute is that?

3.)  Love Actually

Does anyone remember the scene from this film where Keira Knightly marries her husband, and he surprises her with a gospel choir singing the Beatles tune “All You Need is Love?”

Well, Matt and I thoroughly looked into getting a gospel choir our wedding, but after some in-depth research on YouTube of other people who apparently thought it was a cool idea too, we decided against it.  Let me just say, some things are just better relayed on film than in real life, but I fully intend on reliving that moment watching “Love Actually” this Christmas.

4.)  A Christmas Story

This movie is such a gem.  If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend it.

“You’re gonna shoot yer eye out!  You’re gonna shoot yer eye out!”

Poor Randy...

5.)  Meet Me in St. Louis

Come on, you knew a theater nerd couldn’t resist a musical to get into the holiday spirit, right?

Wasn't Judy G. a total betty in her day?

I don’t know, there’s just something about the way Judy sang “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” that gets me every time…

Anyway…

Hmmm…other things I’m looking forward to this holiday season…wearing my new down coat, sporting my Uggs with chunky sweaters, getting my huuuurr did, eating lots of cookies (particularly the sugar cookies with frosting that my sis-in-law makes), spending time with family and friends, eating my mom’s stuffed peppers, eating my mother in law’s meatloaf…I’m starting to notice that most of the things I’m looking forward to revolve around food…not done yet, though…drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream, pumpkin spice Coffee-Mate coffee creamer, Starbuck’s chai lattes, the sugar cookies with the Christmas tree’s and bells in the middle, my dad’s egg “mcmuffins”, pizzelle’s, and maybe some banana pancakes (made by Matt hopefully!).

So…

What are you all looking forward to this holiday season?

~The End

Photos by Amazon, IMDB, Wikipedia, and bytesdaily.blogspot.com

50/50

So, I’ve never written a movie review on here, have I?

I guess I haven’t felt inclined to, since I haven’t seen many good flicks lately…that is until now.  I’ve just got to spread the word about this movie, because it touched me so much and I seriously cannot stop talking about it.

50/50

I know what you’re thinking, which is probably, “Wait, are you talking about that cancer movie with Seth Rogen…That one?

Yes, the one with Seth Rogen.  I know, I’m a little surprised about it, too.

I blame poor advertisement for this film, because the trailer kind of makes it looks like a stupid/funny movie about cancer.  Let’s face it, cancer is not funny, so any movie portraying it that way, is probably going to be a flop.

However, that is not at all what this movie is about, so to represent it that way is a travesty, because it is anything but that.

Yes, this movie made me laugh hysterically, but it made me cry, too.  Best of all, though, it did that thing that every good movie should do, which is stay with you afterward.  That is what this film did for me.  Majorly.

Yeah, it was that good.

The movie is inspired by a true story, about a 20-something year old named Adam (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who is diagnosed with a rare cancer.  His best friend Kyle (played by Seth Rogen) is one of his biggest supporters in his journey fighting cancer, along with his mother (played by Anjelica Huston), and his social worker and counselor (played by Anna Kendrick).

This movie is a humorous, yet poignant take on facing cancer, and how relationships with the most important people around you evolve and change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.  Through Adam, the complexities and simplicities of life are explored, along with the unexpected reality of his own mortality at 28.

This film might even make you question how you see the world.  I know for me, it did.

I’ll be surprised if Joseph Gordon-Levitt doesn’t get an Oscar nomination for his heartbreaking portrayal of Adam.  Seth Rogen might even get a nod as best supporting actor, and finally break him out of the box of “just another dumb comedy actor.”  The guy has got heart, it just hasn’t been seen until now.  Lastly, Anjelica Huston, as an over-protective and heart-broken mother, might even score an Oscar nomination for best supporting actress, too.

50/50 is authentic, hilarious, devastating, dynamic, thought-provoking, and meaningful.

So…

What are you waiting for?

Go see it!

Photo by IMDB

The Class of 2011 Most Over-Exposed Celebrity Superlatives

Can we talk about all the overexposed reality stars and celebrities for a minute?

Before I go any further, I would just like to say that almost all the people I’m about to call out, I have once been a fan of.  However, somehow or some way, they or their PR people ran rampant with their fame, and now every time I see them I cannot help but let out a huge groan saying, “Please, for the love, just go away for a while!  Please?”

What I’m wondering is why aren’t their agents, managers, public relations teams, families, friends, etc., giving them good advice and telling them to lay low for a little while?  Seriously, why is nobody doing that?!

With that, I bring you…

The Class of 2011 Most Over-Exposed Celebrity Superlatives:

Biggest Train-Wreck

Christina Aguilera

Duuuuuude, what happened to you?

Remember when X-Tina used to be a classy little babe?  Okay, so maybe she was never really “classy” per se, but she definitely used to take better care of herself.  Now, every time we hear about her, it’s either because she is wasted, flubbing the lyrics to the national anthem, or just acting like a train-wreck in general.  X-Tina, I think it might be time for an intervention…What do ya say?

Biggest Fraud

Miley Cyrus

Would Micky Mouse approve of this get-up?

I’m not going to be too hard on Miley, she’s young and maybe she’s just finding herself, but at the same time, when did she go from being a Disney darling to…well…what she is now?  Maybe it was all the private vaca’s with her boyfriends when she was 16, or maybe her parents gave her too much freedom?  Whatever the reason, Miley is way out of control, and she needs someone to bring her back to reality, or else her career is headed for La-Lohan ville.  C’mon Miley get it together, and take a break from the limelight for a minute, okay?

Most Dysfunctional Family

The Kardashian’s

I have no words for this caption.

I must confess, I really was a fan of the Kardashian’s for a long time, but somewhere between Kim’s 72 day marriage and Rob’s stint on Dancing With The Stars, I had an intense urge to scream every time I saw one (or all of them) on the tele.  Sure the show is funny…sometimes, but you can’t deny that they are quite dysfunctional.  Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim all talk openly and vulgarly about sex in front of their two young sisters, and overall, they are just inappropriate in every way, shape, and form.  The thing is, the Kardashian’s  have taken over the world, and here’s the kicker, none of them are talented!  For anything!  Wait, why are they famous again?  It’s time to leave America alone for a little while, Kardashian’s.  Please say you’ll give us a breather?  Maybe then we’ll miss you.  Maybe.

Biggest Loser

Ashton Kutcher

Ugh.

C’mon dude, really?  Why’d you have to play Demi like that?  Didn’t we all saw it coming though?  I don’t know about you, but I always felt like he was kind of using Demi for her fame.  He openly cheated on her multiple times, and after the second time, he didn’t even try to hide it.  It poses the question, was he trying to get caught, so Demi would have to be the one to pull the plug on the marriage?  Way to break up with her like a 7th grader, Ashton…Ugh, go away.

Biggest “I Want to Like You, But You’re Really Annoying Me Lately”

Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor, Please stop making this face. Thank you.

I want to like you, Taylor Swift, I really do.  You seem really sweet, and like a genuinely nice person, but you’re really annoying me.  Has anyone else wondered what Taylor Swift is so freaking surprised by?  First of all, she wins EVERYTHING!  She’s on the CMT awards sweeping it, the MTV awards winning everything, the Grammy’s taking home the most awards…so what the h is she so shocked by?  She would annoy me less if she just went up there to accept an award and said, “Wow, so I totally knew I was probably gonna win this, because let’s face it, I win everything and I’m awesome.”

Biggest Man-Eater

Jennifer Lopez

The ink isn't even dry on her divorce papers.

J-Lo hasn’t changed a bit in the 11 or 12 years she has been in the limelight.  She has always been the girl who jumps from one relationship to the next.  The ink isn’t even dried yet on her divorce papers to Marc Anthony, and she is already vacationing with a 24-year-old dancer.  I’m not sure if J-Lo doesn’t like to be alone, or if she just enjoys life more in a relationship, but either way, that’s her business and to each their own.  All I’m saying is, it’s okay if she doesn’t need a breather in between relationships, but America might need one, before we see her gallivanting with yet another lover.

Most Untalented Duo

Jessica and Ashlee Simpson

Why are these two famous again?

So, first came Jessica…she was cute and bubbly with an amazing voice circa 2000-2002, but then something happened.  She got bad advice, and started over-singing and making really disturbing faces while doing so.  A few years later, Ashlee rode on Jess’s coattails and came onto the scene.  Sure her reality show was entertaining for a minute, and her music was even kind of enjoyable, too.  However, both of their star power petered out by 2006-2007, but somehow they still remain in the celebrity news.  Why?  Neither one makes music anymore, and they’re not really doing anything worth reporting.  It might be time for the Simpson sister’s to retire.  Somehow I think Joe Simpson would have a problem with that, though…

Biggest Disaster/Most In Denial

Lindsay Lohan

Really Lindsay, no one told you painting F*** U on your nails for court appearance was a bad idea?

Lindsay Lohan…what is there left to even say that hasn’t already been said?  She is a disaster.  I feel bad for her in a way, because it doesn’t seem like she has anyone in her camp (including her mother) giving her good advice.  Instead, she only has people  enabling her bad behaviors, and re-enforcing her ridiculous antics.  Sadly, jail time wasn’t even a wake up call for this lost soul.  I don’t know what the future holds for La-Lohan, but my gut feeling tells me it’s not anything good.

So, tell me…

Who do you think is the most over-exposed in 2011?

~The End.

Photos by TMZ, People.com, usmagazine.com, and IMDB.

No Soup For You.

You guys are never going to believe what just happened to me.

Before I get into it, does anyone remember this guy?

You know the "Soup Nazi" who tormented Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer on Seinfeld?

I only ask, because I basically just had an Elaine moment. <–P.S.  I said Elaine, because she was the only girl in the group, and I really like her hair…but not when she wears it half up and half down…never mind.

Anyway, my latest food fixation is Subway.  It’s not really a new discovered food craving per se, but more of a rediscovery.  Every night for the past week and a half, I have been making my way down the little hill from where our apartment is, and to the Subway on campus.  Yes, it’s the same Subway where I gave the infamous girl my headband.  If you don’t remember, perhaps you might want to refresh your memory and read Who does that?!?!!  Like, seriously who does that?!!!

So, Subway and I have been having quite a love affair, and it’s been presenting itself in the form of a footlong turkey on wheat, with lettuce, tomato, lots of cucumbers, and vinegar (hold the oil.)  I’ve had a nice little routine going; I get a footlong, and eat half for dinner, and the other half for lunch the next day.

I’m not going to say my experience at Subway is always easy, because it’s not.  I’m even going to go as far as to say, that to get that footlong sub, it’s a labor of love.  In fact, I usually have to put up with quite the debacle, before finally sinking my teeth into my delicious sub.  For example, on average, I usually end up waiting in line for at least 20-25 minutes (even if there are only 2 or 3 people in front of me).  So, now do you get the point?

Tonight, I went to Subway for the 15 consecutive day in a row, but it was not like the normal fiasco’s that I have become so familiar with.  This time it was different…and not in a good way.

Here is the part where I will give you a blow by blow of how it all went down.

Me:  Hi, how are you?

Just like Elaine, I nonchalantly ordered my sandwich.

1st Sandwich Artist:  (Looks at me and rolls her eyes.)

Me:  Can I please have a footlong turkey on wheat?

1st Sandwich Artist:  (Rolls her eyes again.)  She then pulls out an extremely burnt piece of bread from a cooling rack behind her, and proceeds to try and cut it.  However, it’s so burnt, that the bread has become rubbery, and the knife gets stuck.

Now let me just interject a little something here.  For some reason I always get the burnt bread.  Always.  It never fails, I’ll look at the person in front of me and behind me, and they always have these perfectly baked golden subs, and mine is always crusty and burnt.  The thing is, I never ever say anything, because I don’t want to be a pain, but today I was just over the burnt bread.  So, I said something…

Me:  Excuse me, I don’t mean to be a pain, but can I get a different piece of bread that is not so dark?

1st Sandwich Artist:  That’s all we have.

Lie, lies, lies.  I looked at a cooling rack directly behind her, and there were at least 50 different subs that were not burnt.

Me:  Okay.

I was annoyed, but what can you do? 

My sub then got moved onto the part where you get veggies, leaving me with no chance to protest, even if I wanted to.

1st Sandwich Artist:  What do you want?

Me:  Can I please have lots of lettuce, tomato, and lots of cucumbers please?

She then proceeded to stingily put some lettuce on the sub, but it didn’t even cover the entire footlong.  I reasoned, maybe she thought I said a little lettuce and not a lot?

Me:  I’m sorry but could I have a little more lettuce?

She totally ignored me, and proceeded to slop on two tomato’s that were rotten looking and yellowy, and put on three tiny pieces of cucumber. 

Umm…wait a sec, didn’t I ask for extra lettuce and cucumbers?  What is wrong with this picture?!  I look at my sad footlong sub staring through the glass at me, and I knew I had to fight for my sub.

Me:  I’m sorry, but can I please have more cucumbers?  (I didn’t even bother with the lettuce or tomato’s.)

1st Sandwich Artist:  She rolled her eyes at me again, and proceeded to pick out the tiniest cucumber, putting ONE more on.

I felt my blood starting to boil, but I kept telling myself, “It’s just a sandwich.  Chill out.”  But no, I couldn’t chill out.  

I watched as she pushed the sandwich onto the 2nd Sandwich Artist for the dressing, and whispered something in her ear, though I didn’t know what.

I ignored them, and focused my attention on the 2nd Sandwich Artist.

Me:  Excuse me, can I have some more cucumbers?  (Notice I was no longer saying please.)

2nd Sandwich Artist:  No.

Me:  No?

I'm fairly certain I also made this face...

2nd Sandwich Artist:  No.

Now I know how Elaine felt.

Me:  Why?

2nd Sandwich Artist:  Because she (meaning 1st Sandwich Artist) already gave you extra.

Me:  But she didn’t give me extra, she didn’t even put enough on to cover the whole sandwich to begin with.

2nd Sandwich Artist:  No.

Me:  What are you even saying “no” to?

Random guy behind me starts chuckling.

2nd Sandwich Artist: No.

Me: Okay well, I’ll pay for extra cucumbers….

On a side note, I know for a fact there is an option on their cash register to pay for extra veggies, because just the other day I got charged $1.50 extra for  jalapeno’s.

2nd Sandwich Artist: No.

Me:  Okay, so let me get this straight…I can’t have extra cucumbers on my sandwich, and I can’t buy them either?  I’m sorry, I’m just a little confused here.  Why?

2nd Sandwich Artist:  Because she already gave you extra.

1st Sandwich Artist and 2nd Sandwich Artist look at each other and roll their eyes.

That was it.  The last duo eye roll did me in.

I saw red.

Me:  You’re rude (I looked at 1st Sandwich Artist), and you’re rude ( I looked at 2nd Sandwich Artist), and I don’t want your sh*tty sandwich.

And that was that.  I walked out without my sandwich, and I didn’t even care, because I walked out in a freaking blaze of glory.  The guy standing behind me applauded me.  No  really, he actually clapped for me.  The whole thing was ludicrous.  I forgot to mention, it was the end of the night, don’t they usually just throw the uneaten veggies away at the end of the night anyway?!  It was clear that they were just trying to be rude, and it worked.

By the time I got home the adrenaline had worn off, and I was actually kind of bothered about the whole thing.  I’m not going to lie, I was mostly sad that I could never show my face in my favorite Subway again, and I was sad that my love affair with my footlong turkey subs on wheat, had come to a crashing halt.  I was also a little disappointed about how I was treated.

Oh well.

At least I went out Terminator style.

Oh Yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh

~The End.

Photos by IMDB

Why Miss Piggy and Kermit Are Gonna Make it, and Why Barbie and Ken Aren’t…

Barbie and Ken:

It’s no secret, Barbie and Ken have been together forever.

Good old Barb and Ken.

This picture is proof that Barbie and Ken have been together so long, that Ken hadn’t even discovered tanning yet, or highlights, and Barbie was still rocking the alabaster look.  Here’s hoping that when they finally discovered that being tan increased their attractiveness by 50%, that they at least went for a faux glow.

They’ve come a long way, huh?

It's amazing what a little tan and highlights can do...

Barbie and Ken have been through a lot over the years…

They got married…

Barb even had Princess Di's dress replicated...

They reproduced a beautiful child…

And named her Kelly.

But sadly, that still didn’t stop Ken from breaking up with Barbie in a very public way…

Barb, Ken wants a divorce...P.S. Who does that?!

Kind of makes you wonder what Barbie did to anger Ken so much…

Whatever the case was, Barbie and Ken separated, and a few years later Ken put up another public plea, but this time he wanted Barbie back…

Oh, Ken...Make up your mind!!

By Valentine’s Day 2011, Barbie had taken Ken back…Maybe it was for Kelly, or maybe she was just lonely without him, nonetheless they rekindled their love…

Sure, they look like the perfect couple on paper...

However, I personally think, that if Ken can break Barbie’s heart so publicly after all those years together, than I predict that their romance will no doubt eventually fizzle out again.  The point is, Barbie and Ken are the perfect couple on paper, but there is still something fundamentally wrong with their union, and we may never know what that is.

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog:

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have a bit of a tumultuous relationship, too.

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have been together a long time, too, but let’s face it, they haven’t always been the ideal couple.

In the early days, Kermit was making desperate attempts to flee Miss Piggy’s advances…

Kermy was NOT having it...

But somewhere along the way he conceded.  Maybe Kermit felt it was easier to just give in to her, or maybe he really started to really fall in love with Miss Piggy.

Nonetheless the Pig and the Frog married each other…

Kermy is totally feeling the love now...

Sure their relationship has been plagued with rumors of Miss Piggy coercing Kermit the Frog into marriage, but the point is, neither Miss Piggy or Kermy have confirmed nor denied the rumors.

The one thing that is clear, is who wears the pants in the relationship…

Sure she outweighs him, but he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, I think he likes it that way.

The point is, unlike Barbie and Ken, who had a passionate courtship and are the perfect couple on paper, Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog’s love may not have started out ideal, but it grew over time.  They didn’t fall in love and get married right away, they were friends first, and that allowed their love to blossom over time.  Miss Piggy and Kermy have been through good times and bad, and have stayed together through it all.  That says something.

Most of all, Kermit the Frog could have easily put Miss Piggy on blast for pushing him into marriage, but he didn’t.  Unlike Ken, Kermy stuck by Miss Piggy no matter what.  What a guy, ahhh-hmmm…frog!

And that is why I think Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have what it takes to make it.

Forever.

~The End

Photos by muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Kermit_the_Frog, http://www.sesamestreet.org/muppets, coolgreenmag.com, alifeofstyle.com, womenarealwaysbeautiful.blogspot.com, longislandpress.com, adpr1400.blogspot.com