4 Awkward Things That Have Happened to me Lately…

1. Practically giving my client a shower at work the other day.

The experience should have been something like this.

Everyone can agree that when they go in to get a hair cut at a salon that the shampoo portion of their overall experience is essential, right?  It sets the stage and is sort of a foreshadowing of what the rest of the service will be like.  Well, the other day, I had a little mishap when shampooing my first client of the day.  The woman came in, swinging her bright orange purse, with an assertiveness that made me a little nervous.  She plopped down in the chair that sits in front of the shampoo bowl and told me exactly how she wanted her hair and then informed me that her main goal was to relax and “veg out for the next hour.”  I said okay, and proceeded to turn the water on, which was the part where, as if on cue, I lost control of the shampoo hose and accidentally sprayed her (and me) and the entire surrounding area around us.  The hose slipped out of my hand like it had a mind of its own.  The more I tried to catch it, the worse the water got all over the place.  I blurted out something frantic like, “I’m sorry there was conditioner all over it and it slipped out of my hand,” and braced myself for the reaming I was sure I was about to receive.  Luckily  she graciously forgave me as she dabbed her smeared mascara, and told me it was no big deal.  I was thankful, but I couldn’t help still feeling incredibly awkward after that.

2. Repeatedly getting stuck in awkward conversations with my landlord.

I have a hunch- the old lady cartoon dubbed “Maxine” could quite possibly have been based on my landlord.

Okay, so don’t get me wrong, I sort of love my old lady landlord who lives across the hall.  Sure, she is always popping out of her apartment and getting in the mix of whatever I’m doing, but she is incredibly entertaining.  She is great with one-liners, and she loves to counsel me on how to stay young.  Amongst her most quotable advice that I’ve already been given in the one short month we’ve lived in our apartment has been, “Eat chicken,” which she yelled out to me randomly one day as I was getting my mail in the foyer of our building.  Another one of her gems was, “Wait to have kids- kids complicate everything.” But probably my favorite words of wisdom so far was, “Eat corn- it keeps you regular so that you are not constipated.  Being constipated gives you wrinkles from clenching.

See the thing is, I never really know how to react to these haphazard statements, so I usually end up just smiling and nodding.  The one thing that I can be sure of, though, is that this landlord (who shall remain nameless) is certain to appear as a character in some of my writing in the future, because she is so fun, colorful, and wonderfully awkward.

3. Almost kicking the girl giving me a pedicure smack-dab in the face.

Picture this:  You have extremely ticklish feet and the girl giving you a pedicure is practically tickle torturing you with the nail filer.  It was stuff nightmares are made out of.  Trust me.  Last weekend I went in for a pedicure, and the girl who normally does my nails was busy.  I was in a hurry, so I took the first available nail technician.  I informed her that I was very ticklish feet and to bypass both the foot massage and heel filing part of the pedicure.  Well, I don’t think she understood me, and she must have thought I was telling her to simply do that part more gently, because she was being so delicate with my feet that after two straight minutes of her lightly scraping the heels of my feet with the foot filer, I couldn’t take it anymore and my foot sprang up involuntarily and came two inches from kicking her clean in the face.  I felt really bad and apologized a bunch of times.  However, even then I don’t think I got the message through, because she picked the torture device (foot filer) back up, and resumed lightly filing my feet.  Ugh.

4. Overhearing a TMI conversation.

Trust me honey, nobody wants to hear your convo.

I was oddly getting cell phone service on the subway the other day, when the train was stalled above ground for a few minutes.  There I sat, minding my own business and texting a friend, when a woman, around my age, had gotten on at the stop right before and sat down next to me.  Almost immediately, she decided to make the most out of the train delay and apparently call her gynecologist.  I am not going to get into the details about the personal matters she discussed, but let me just say that it involved, “unusually large blood clots,” “foul-smelling discharge,” and “dryness.”  For a moment I thought I might be on that show “What Would You Do?“, so I decided to not act too obviously disgusted, you know, in case I was getting ready for my big close up.  However, once I realized that this was for real, I couldn’t believe that someone would discuss such personal matters in public.

~The End.

Photos by donmilleris.com, and Pinterest.

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