My (humble) Advice for the First Year of Marriage…

Matt and I recently celebrated our first anniversary back in July, and since then I’ve gone back and forth about doing this post.  I’m no expert on marriage and I don’t pretend to be.  I mean, we’ve only been married for one year, but during the year I think that we’ve both learned a lot.  I’ve heard people often talk about the first year of marriage and how it’s the hardest and blah, blah, blah.  I’m not really sure if that’s true…I’ll have to let you know in ten or so years.  What I am sure about, is that marriage is a wild ride filled with twists and turns and highs and lows.

I don’t want to get too preachy in this post, so please keep in mind that these are simply things that I’ve learned.  No marriage is the same, and each relationship has its own dynamic.  What might ring true for us, might be completely different for another couple.  I can honestly say, though, that the following list are all things that I will genuinely take with me in the future.

5.  When in Doubt, Shut the Hell Up.

No, seriously.

I can’t tell you how much trouble I’ve gotten myself into just by running my mouth.  I’m the type of person that just has to say how I feel, even if that means regretting it later.  In the moment it feels good to get it all out there, but do you want to know what doesn’t feel good?  Wishing that you hadn’t said whatever it was afterward.  In fact, it feels terrible.

The point is, sometimes when you just shut the hell up, you realize later that whatever was compelling you to go on a rant, was probably something that would’ve blown over anyway.  So, is it worth it to say something that you might regret later just because you’re mad in the moment?  Probably not.  So, shut the hell up and wait for the storm to blow over.

4.  Do Not, May I Repeat, Do NOT Talk Smack.  Like, Ever.

Just say no to gossip.

Gossiping about your husband or wife to friends, family, strangers, etc. is not good.  Period.  Yes, you will eventually forgive your spouse (at least I hope so), and you will likely forget whatever you said, but do you want to know who won’t forget?  The person that you talked smack to!  Oh yes, that person will always remember, and most likely the gory details, too.

Be conscious of how you portray your loved one.  You should build them up in others eyes, and never put them down.  One of the things that I love most about my husband is that he brags about me.  How do I know this?  Whenever I meet someone new, they’ll ask about my blog, or school, and let me know in some way that he was talking about me in a positive light.  I do the same for him, too.  I’m constantly talking about how brilliant he is, and all of his accomplishments.  Matt- If you’re reading this, I think you’re awesome, and now everyone else knows, too.

3.  Live by the Mantra: Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner.

You tell ‘em what’s up, Johnny.

Hey, remember when Patrick Swayze aka Johnny Castle tells a table full of people that nobody puts Baby in the corner?  Well, in a marriage, you can’t ever let anyone put your spouse in the corner…figuratively speaking.  You have to always have each others back no matter what.  You have to be each others greatest defender ’til the end of time.  Why?  Because you’re married and because you’re a team that sticks together through thick and thin.  Why else?  Because nobody puts Baby in the corner.  Period.  It’s that simple.

2.  You Don’t Have to Agree on Everything.

Hey, that’s one way of looking at it.

In a relationship, you’re not going to agree on everything.  Think about it, you’re two different people with different ideas and thoughts.  How could you possibly agree on everything?  It’s impossible.

Matt and I are alike in many ways, but we are very, very different too.  For instance, I like to go to bed early and get up early, and Matt is a night-owl.  I love trashy reality television, and Matt loves the news.  I like to listen to pop music on the radio, and Matt likes to listen to classic rock.  Matt doesn’t like to have stuff lying around the apartment, and I’ve been known to leave my sunglasses, purse, shoes, etc. anywhere that I put them down.  The list could go on, but you get the point.

Throughout our first year of marriage, though, I think that we have found a good way of dealing with our differences.  For example, when Matt’s around I’ll turn the Kardashian’s off, and when I come into the room Matt turns the news off.  Then, we find something on television that we can both agree on:  FOOD.  Because we can always agree on the food network.

I think early in our relationship, we used to try to convince each other more about things that we were passionate about as individuals.  After we got married, I think we both realized that it takes way too much energy to try and change the other person.  Now we just let one another be, and things are much more peaceful.

So, you can say tomato, and he can say tomahhhto, but isn’t it more fun to just say bloody mary?  Because who can’t agree on a bloody mary?

1.  Love to Give.

There was a moment during our wedding where my father-in-law was giving a toast and he said, “It’s not about how much you give, but how much you love to give.”  Even on that day, when there was so much going on around me, it made me stop and think, “Do I love to give?”

Anyone who has known a student in medical school is aware of how busy they can get.  Matt is no exception.  Most of the time, I am the one who takes care of all the household chores, amongst lots of other things, and it’s not always easy doing it on my own.  When he asks me, “Hey, can you iron this shirt?” or “Hey would you mind running to the store for me?” or “Can you take care of this phone call?” or “Can you run here or there?”  I ask myself, “Do I love to give?”  It’s easy to give when you have nothing else going on, but between my job, school, blog, chores, etc., it’s not always convenient.  But do I love to give?

In all honesty, yes.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I want to scream, “I don’t want to iron another freaking shirt!”  But for the most part, I can say wholeheartedly that I love to give.  Why is loving to give so important?  I’m not sure that I fully grasped it the first time I heard it in the speech, but after one year of marriage under my belt, I think it’s because when you love to give, you’re not doing it because you have to, or it’s expected of you, or you’re obligated to.  You’re doing it because you genuinely want to do something kind.  When you do something because you have to, it’s easy to become resentful, and when you become resentful it can create a whole host of other issues.

Next stop…the two year mark…and so on and so forth.

~The End.

Pictures by IMDB, Pinterest, and Anne Taintor.

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It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding…

Things have been so hectic lately, and I know my blogging has been sporadic, but I’m planning on getting back on a regular blogging schedule very soon.  Lots of stuff has been going on.  My parents came for a visit to Brooklyn last week to see me and Matt, but also to attend Matt’s younger brother Mike’s wedding.  The wedding took place in Long Island, and was beautiful.  Like any great wedding, it was filled with so much love and laughter, and I think everyone attending felt the love.  That’s the thing about a fantastic wedding, it can make you fall in love with your other half all over again.  Don’t you just love those kinds of weddings?

I was a bridesmaid for Mike’s wife Lauren, and Matt was Mike’s best man.  Can I please take a moment and brag to world?  I am pretty sure that there has never ever been another best man speech in all the history of best man speeches that could top Matt’s.  It was incredible.  He made the crowd laugh, cry, but most of all, he conveyed what an awesome guy Mike is and what a special relationship he has with Lauren.  It was such a beautiful speech, and I had to actively try to hold back my tears, because if I hadn’t, I would have cried like a total maniac.

It wasn’t all mushy gushy stuff though.  We also had so much fun dancing the night away to the incredible band.  Even when my feet hurt so bad that I thought they might fall off, I kept on dancing.  It was one of those weddings where the music was so good that you didn’t want to sit down.

Here are a few shots from the beautiful wedding…

Getting hitched

Me walking down the aisle with one of the groomsmen.

Matt’s sister Stefanie, her husband Justin, and our adorable twin nephews James and Joseph.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Palma

The most epic best man speech is taking place right here.

Brothers gotta hug.

My Mom and Dad

Me and my sister-in-law Stefanie.

Right after they took the plunge.

 

This is probably my favorite picture from the whole wedding. P.S. Lauren and I have no idea what we were doing here.

Livin’ on a Prayer

The blushing bride and her handsome groom. Btw, doesn’t Matt’s brother look exactly like a young Al Pacino circa The Godfather?

~The End.

Why Miss Piggy and Kermit Are Gonna Make it, and Why Barbie and Ken Aren’t…

Barbie and Ken:

It’s no secret, Barbie and Ken have been together forever.

Good old Barb and Ken.

This picture is proof that Barbie and Ken have been together so long, that Ken hadn’t even discovered tanning yet, or highlights, and Barbie was still rocking the alabaster look.  Here’s hoping that when they finally discovered that being tan increased their attractiveness by 50%, that they at least went for a faux glow.

They’ve come a long way, huh?

It's amazing what a little tan and highlights can do...

Barbie and Ken have been through a lot over the years…

They got married…

Barb even had Princess Di's dress replicated...

They reproduced a beautiful child…

And named her Kelly.

But sadly, that still didn’t stop Ken from breaking up with Barbie in a very public way…

Barb, Ken wants a divorce...P.S. Who does that?!

Kind of makes you wonder what Barbie did to anger Ken so much…

Whatever the case was, Barbie and Ken separated, and a few years later Ken put up another public plea, but this time he wanted Barbie back…

Oh, Ken...Make up your mind!!

By Valentine’s Day 2011, Barbie had taken Ken back…Maybe it was for Kelly, or maybe she was just lonely without him, nonetheless they rekindled their love…

Sure, they look like the perfect couple on paper...

However, I personally think, that if Ken can break Barbie’s heart so publicly after all those years together, than I predict that their romance will no doubt eventually fizzle out again.  The point is, Barbie and Ken are the perfect couple on paper, but there is still something fundamentally wrong with their union, and we may never know what that is.

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog:

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have a bit of a tumultuous relationship, too.

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have been together a long time, too, but let’s face it, they haven’t always been the ideal couple.

In the early days, Kermit was making desperate attempts to flee Miss Piggy’s advances…

Kermy was NOT having it...

But somewhere along the way he conceded.  Maybe Kermit felt it was easier to just give in to her, or maybe he really started to really fall in love with Miss Piggy.

Nonetheless the Pig and the Frog married each other…

Kermy is totally feeling the love now...

Sure their relationship has been plagued with rumors of Miss Piggy coercing Kermit the Frog into marriage, but the point is, neither Miss Piggy or Kermy have confirmed nor denied the rumors.

The one thing that is clear, is who wears the pants in the relationship…

Sure she outweighs him, but he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, I think he likes it that way.

The point is, unlike Barbie and Ken, who had a passionate courtship and are the perfect couple on paper, Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog’s love may not have started out ideal, but it grew over time.  They didn’t fall in love and get married right away, they were friends first, and that allowed their love to blossom over time.  Miss Piggy and Kermy have been through good times and bad, and have stayed together through it all.  That says something.

Most of all, Kermit the Frog could have easily put Miss Piggy on blast for pushing him into marriage, but he didn’t.  Unlike Ken, Kermy stuck by Miss Piggy no matter what.  What a guy, ahhh-hmmm…frog!

And that is why I think Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have what it takes to make it.

Forever.

~The End

Photos by muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Kermit_the_Frog, http://www.sesamestreet.org/muppets, coolgreenmag.com, alifeofstyle.com, womenarealwaysbeautiful.blogspot.com, longislandpress.com, adpr1400.blogspot.com

Of Marriage and Men…

I am one of those people who believes that the more a girl wants to get married, the longer it takes for it to happen for her.  Don’t you agree?  Remember Charlotte?  No one wanted to get married more than Charlotte, and yet it took her forever to find someone to settle down with.  We’ll call Charlotte’s classification, Type A.

Awww, poor Char Char.

A Type A. is a girl who meets a guy, and on their first date, starts talking about what kind of diamond she wants, or worse, baby names.  Type A. tells every one of her girlfriends that she has finally met the one with every new guy she meets, and begins her quest for a husband at 16 (or younger), but has the hardest time sealing the deal in a relationship.  Then, there are those girls who could care less about getting married…We’ll call this kind of girl Type B.  A Type B. is the girl who has a totally laid back approach on love.  She is in no hurry to be in a relationship, let alone marriage.  She dates to have fun, not to tie someone down.  Usually a Type B., will without really caring or trying, find ‘the one’ without much effort or heartache at all.  Everything will fall naturally into place, and there will usually not be much drama along the way.

So, this all had me wondering…Is it that laid back approach with Type B. that really hooks the guy?  And is it that eagerness in Type A. who makes the guy run for the hills?  Well, I really don’t know.  Although, I have found the kicker to be, (and btw, I have seen this happen many times), that you can take the same guy and put him with Type A. and he’ll say he is not ready to commit, and then you can take that same guy and put him with Type B., and suddenly he’ll be magically ready to commit, and proposing to her after six months of dating.  WTF?!  It’s like some cruel joke to Type A.  Take for instance, poor Jessica Simpson…

Classic Type A.: aka; The lovelorn type. I mean, look at how she is gazing at him. She soooo wants to have his babies. Don't front, Jess, you're very, very eager to get married.

Then there’s Cameron…

Type B: The easy-going laid back type. Cameron totally knows how to work that charm to snag a hubby (if she should decide she wants one...although, I don't think she has yet...)

By opening with such a statement you probably thought that I was now going to go into a whole shpeel about which type of girl I am, followed by everything I have learned about relationships and blah, blah, blah…

Well, I’m not, because you are getting a little bored, right?  I mean, I am kind of getting sick of hearing myself talk.

But I don’t want to leave you hanging, so if I must define myself as a Type A. or Type B.,  I would have to say I’m kind of in between-y. Maybe at points in my life I have been a little more of a Type A., and at other times maybe a little more of a Type B…

Either way, I am married now.  So, hooray!

P.S.  I literally have NO idea why any of these thoughts occurred to me today.

P.P.S.  Disclaimer:  Ain’t nothin’ wrong with either type. I am firm believer that everyone should be true to themselves, and their wants and needs.  So, whatever your type might be, go ahead and let your freak flag fly.

Here are some things that I have learned about love, though:

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. – Dolly Parton

I can live without money, but I cannot live without love. – Judy Garland

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -Victor Hugo

When love is not madness, it is not love. – Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Love is being stupid together. -Paul Valery

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. -Jane Austen