An Open Message to the Guy Who Lives Above Us…

Dear Guy Who Lives Above Us,

You don’t know me, but I live in the apartment below you.  I probably know you better than you think.  I know about the atrocious sleep schedule you keep, I know that you don’t work very much if at all, I know that you like to move furniture around at all times of the day and night, I know that you like Good Morning America (I can hear you watching it every morning), I know that you sometimes dance all by yourself (mostly late at night), I know that you have very, very loud and obnoxious friends, and I know that you enjoy Wyclef Jean.  Cool.  So do I.  Particularly, I love his rendition of “No Woman, No Cry.”  Here’s the thing though, Guy Who Lives Above Us, I don’t really enjoy Wyclef Jean at three in the morning…on a Sunday.

It’s not like you don’t know that you’re noisy.  Multiple neighbors have filed complaints about you, including the elderly woman who lives above you. Then, the night when Hurricane Sandy hit New York, you really outdid yourself.  You had a party that lasted all day and all night.  Some part of you decided it was a grand idea to have this massive party at your place in Brooklyn.  You must have said, “Hey guys!  Party at my digs!  My neighbors won’t mind!!!”  Just curious, what made you think that was a good idea?

Maybe you thought that it didn’t matter, because most of New York was shut down and didn’t have to work.  I get it.  I didn’t have to work, but guess what?  Other people did have to work, including my husband.  Yes, he still had to report to the hospital by 7 AM, even though your party didn’t stop until 5 AM.  And by that time, he was already up for work.

Not cool, Guy Who Lives Above Us, not cool.

I’m not really sure where we go from here, but I’m just going to put this out there:  The next time I get the urge to sing Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” or “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs, I’m going to do it.  Yeah, I just may belt one of those suckers out, and make you listen to me.  Then again, I may sing a song with notes I can’t hit, notes that make me screech, and make you listen to me try.

So there.

The moral of this story, Guy Who Lives Above Us, is that sometimes your poor decisions make me go…

Seriously.

We’re pretty nice people (The People Who Live in the Apartment Downstairs), and hey, we’re just trying to get some sleep.  So, can you please just shut the f*ck up.  Please?

Thanks.

Sincerely,

The Girl in the Apartment Downstairs

P.S. Does anyone else have noisy neighbors?

~The End

Photo by Anne Taintor

About these ads

The Woes of Being a Short Person…

This past weekend I went to a concert with my very tall friend, Reagan.  We went to see Morrissey at Terminal 5 in NYC.  One of the reasons I was so excited about this concert was that it was a small venue and standing room only, which meant a great view and an opportunity to get close to the stage.  So, why is Reagan’s height significant to this story you ask?  It’s simple.  She could see and I could not, because well, I’m short.

Sure the music was great, and Morrissey can still sing like he did in the 80’s, but I might as well have been listening to him on my iPod, because I couldn’t see a thing.  Nada.  Not even a little bit.  You know what I think is funny?  (You short people will hopefully identify, and appreciate this) All of the tallest men in the whole damn joint were somehow strategically placed in front of me!  Why, Why, Why does that always happen?

Throughout the concert, I became accustomed to watching other people’s faces around me for their reactions, because I couldn’t see anything myself.  Occasionally the crowd would “Ooooh” or “Ahhhhh” and I just had to assume something really cool was happening.  The most exciting part of the concert was when Morrissey sang the lyrics, “Close your eyes and think of someone you physically admire,” in his Bri-ish accent and followed it up with ripping his shirt off like He-Man.  The only reason I know this happened was because my tall friend who could see, turned to me and squealed, “Oh my God, Sar, he just ripped his shirt off!  That was crazy!”  I had to judge by her reaction of shock, then laughter, and then glee that she was thoroughly entertained by his antics, and that it was the highlight of her experience.  However, I did not see any of it.

At one point I blindly held my camera up in the air, set the zoom mode all the way up, and took a pretty decent picture.  In fact, I didn’t realize how good it was until I got home and saw for myself.  Geez, the lengths short people have to go to, to see what’s going on!

Not bad, huh? What can I say, I make the best of my circumstances.

On a side note, I left with a cool souvenir.  I bought myself a t-shirt with Morrissey in a barber’s chair, getting that signature ‘do of his.  How fitting for my profession!  Although I didn’t buy one, they were also selling tote bags that said “Shoplifters of the World Unite.”  Ha!  I thought that was quite cheeky and clever (forgive me for the British slang, but I’m going with a theme here…)

If I learned anything from this experience it’s that next time I go to see one of my favorite artists live, I will invest in some really, really good seats or skip the “standing room only” shenanigans all together, because it was kind of the pits.

Can any of you short people out there identify with this?

~The End

My Ode to Snoop Dogg (if he should ever read this)…

What’s that you say, Snoop?

Dear Snoop D-O-Double G,

I want to hereby thank you for preparing me with the knowledge of knowing what to do in  situations that involve the 5-0 (aka the cops). You see, the other day I took ride to CVS to pick up a prescription for my husband.  After completing my purchase, I exited the store, got into my car, and proceeded to pull out of my parking spot.  However, as I was doing so, I glanced down at the prescription I had just bought, and started second-guessing whether I had picked up the right one.  So, what does any good wife do?  She texts her hubby to make sure, of course!  As I was texting, though, a police car suddenly pulled up beside me, and I started to freak.  I’m no dummy; I know it’s against the law to be texting and driving, but the thing was, I wasn’t technically driving, so I wasn’t sure what to do.

Snoop Dogg, just like an angel from above, I heard your voice say to me, “When the pigs try to get at ya- Park it like it’s hot/ Park it like it’s hot/ Park it like it’s hot,” and I calmly pulled back into my parking spot and turned the ignition off.

And can I just tell you, Snoop Dogg, you were so right.  The police officers looked into my car at me, and I was like, “What?” because I knew there was nothing they could do about it.  I was in a parked vehicle, and I wasn’t breaking the law.

So, I just wanted to say thank you for indirectly providing me with the tools I needed on that fateful day, because to be completely honest with you, I had no idea that a song I listened to on repeat in my beaten down Ford Tempo back in 2004, would be so influential on my life.

So, thank you, Snoop Dogg.

Your fan,

Sarah Palma

~The End

Photo by fanpop.com

10 Songs That Shaped My Life…

10.)  Love Shack by The B-52’s

“Tin roof…Rusted…” <–C’mon who doesn’t remember that?!

I fell in love with this song at the ripe old age of 8, and it is my first memory of hearing a song, and feeling an intense urge to bust a move.  This song sprung a barrage of made up dances between me and my childhood best friend, and I always, and I repeat ALWAYS had to do the “Tin roof…Rusted part,” or else I got really p’o-ed.  Just ask Bekka Parker (she was my childhood bff.)  Anyway, recently my brother heard it on satellite radio and he had to let me know, because I think he, along with my whole family, remembers when my friend and I would make up dances to it, and demand that they all watch us dance around like little freaks.  I think they’re still scarred…

Ummm...cowbells as an instrument? Brilliant!

Listen to it and see if it makes you wanna shake your groove thing…

04_-_love_shack_-_cosmic_thing 

9.)  The Sign by Ace of Base

Just a few short years later when I was about 11 or 12 “The Sign” came onto the scene.  I remember I was at the roller rink for a birthday party, and I heard this catchy pop melody playing from the jukebox, and thinking, “What is that glorious pop music I am hearing right now?!  I must find out!”  Someone informed me it was Ace of Base’s “The Sign,” which instantaneously put me on a mission the second I got home, to pop a cassette in my boombox, and try to catch it on the radio so I could tape it.  Once I finally recorded it, I must have listened to it a hundred times.

However, my love affair with this song quickly ended, when my dad tried to get me to sing it for an audition for Star Search a couple of years later.  I remember thinking that the song was soooooo old, and I felt so dorky doing it.  I ended up not going for the audition, and I couldn’t listen to the song for years after, because it reminded me of my adolescent awkward self trying to sing “I saw the sign, I saw the si–i-i-i-i-gn…I saw the sign…and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign.”  Actually I can’t even think about it now, because it’s giving me the creeps!  Awkward!

But I still love the song!

"Life is demanding, without understanding." <--How profound...

Wanna hear it?  Listen below…

04_-_the_sign_-_the_ultimate_collection_(box_set)_(cd_1)

***Disclaimer:  I promise after this next one, I am done with all the cheesy pop music.***

8.)  Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera

“I’m a genie in a bottle ba-bayyy, you gotta rub me the right way hon-eyyy…”<–Ahhwhat?

Yeah, she really said that.

So, I had to put this song on the list because when I think of being a teeny-bopper, I think of this song.  I used to sing this song in my 1994 white Ford Tempo, with the volume all the way up, and had no idea what these lyrics meant.  I honestly thought she was talking about a genie in a bottle.  Ummm..duh!  Straight up though, this song makes me think of my youth.  When I hear it, memories of belly baring shirts, over-highlighted hair, pink lip gloss, and poor imitations of Christina’s riffing, come flooding back…in a good way.

Back when Christina was Christina and not diiiiiirty X-Tina.

Wanna listen to X-Tina wail about a genie in a bottle?  Have a listen below…

01_-_genie_in_a_bottle_-_christina_aguilera

7.)  Both Hands by Ani Difranco

When I moved to New York for college when I was 19, was when I became all artsy-fartsy.  It’s also when I discovered Ani Difranco…also know as…ANI (said with great awe and enthusiasm.)  One of the first friends I met in NYC was playing around one night on her acoustic guitar and played “Both Hands” for me.  I remember hearing the lyrics, “I’m recording our history now on the bedroom wall, and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all.”  This song always gives me a nostalgic feeling, and makes me think of my first year in New York.

Love her.

Wanna experience pure brilliance?  Listen below.

02 Both Hands

6.)  Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel

“My heart goin’ boom, boom, boom…”

This song defines my early 20’s.  After finishing school in New York, and feeling a little lost, I moved back home to Michigan for two years.  During that time, I put myself through cosmetology school, went through a bad break-up, and decided to move back to New York to pursue acting again and to try working as a hairstylist.  I just remember listening to this song over and over in my car when I was getting ready to go back to NYC, and being moved by it.  I don’t know how else to explain it.

If you ever go through a transitional phase in your life, discover this song.

This song will change your life.  Listen to it below and see for yourself…

Solsbury Hill

5.)  Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac

So, basically I am obsessed with Stevie Nicks…the hair, the long flowy dresses, the knee-high boots, the black-rimmed eyeliner, etc.  She’s no classic beauty, but she’s awesome.

This song reminds me of the second time I moved to New York, and the tiny little room I moved into.  You could seriously only fit a twin bed (barely) in there, and a little dresser.  I used to listen to this song over and over again.

A couple of years ago, I went to see Fleetwood Mac in a concert at Madison Square Garden, and Stevie sang this song.  She was amazing…naturally.  She said Gypsy is about finding love and about friendships.  This is what Stevie said about it: “Lightening strikes maybe once, maybe twice… that means one time in your life you find a very good friend, and maybe if you’re incredibly lucky, you might find a second. It all comes down to you, means but you have to look very hard.”

Love you, Stevie.

Seriously, how freaking cool is she?

Experience a little Stevie in your life…

04 Gypsy

4.)  Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked

Okay, so you all knew a quintessential theater nerd couldn’t resist putting at least one show tune on this list.  Really though, this song is phenom.

When I think of this song I think about coming to terms with leaving a bad job situation.  I had worked in a salon for a while, but over time, it became clear that it was not working out how I hoped it would.  It was disappointing, but I knew I had to move on.  I was scared to take such a risk, though.  I had put in a lot of time and hard work, so it was devastating to realize it was falling apart.  On top of all that, I was just feeling like I wasn’t good at anything.  It was kind of a low point, but I knew it had to get better because it couldn’t get any worse.

Right around that time, my Grandma Barkoff ended up passing away, and I went home to be with my family.  While I was home, I knew it was time to cut the strings with the job situation.  It took a lot of courage, but I finally left the job and moved on.  I ended up finding an amazing job soon after, where I felt appreciated and finally recognized for my talents.  It was the best decision I ever made.

And thus, “Defying Gravity” became my anthem.

P.S.  You know you’re a theater nerd when nothing pumps you up more than a show tune.

"I'm flying high defying gravity."

Get lifted.  Listen below…

11 Defying Gravity

3.)  Is this Love by Bob Marley

This song hands down reminds me of when Matt and I were falling in love.  On our second date he took me to a G Love concert in Central Park.  I remember he waited with me in line for almost an hour to use the gross porta-potty, and while we waited there we heard “Is this Love” by Bob Marley.  I said, “Oh my God, I love this song,” to which he replied, “Me too.”  We then had an awkward moment trying not to look at each other, because we were both probably thinking the same thing, which was…Is this love?

Bob the legend.

Wanna find out if this is love?  Listen below…

13 Is This Love

2.)  Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes by Paul Simon

“People say she’s crazy, she’s got diamonds on the soles of her shoes.  Well, that’s one way to lose these walking blues, diamonds on the soles of your shoes.”

Oh Paul Simon, what can I say?  You speaka my language.

It was hard for me to narrow it down to just one Paul Simon song, because he is my favorite artist of all time.  There is something so completely beautiful about his lyrics and his ability to string melodies into them.  Recently I was a Barnes and Noble and got really excited when I found a hard-covered Paul Simon Lyrics coffee table book on one of those 60% off sales.  I snatched it right up, and have every intention of displaying it on my coffee table when Matt and I finally have a real apartment soon.  I love him and I love this song.

Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes reminds me of when Matt and I first arrived in Grenada.  We listened to Paul Simon’s greatest hits album like it was out J-O-B.  This song was the perfect song to listen to after coming to a tropical paradise from the bitter cold of a New York winter.  It’s got sort of a Caribbean flair to it, and will always remind me of when we Matt started his medical career.

Wanna be soul-mates with me, Paul Simon?

Have a listen for yourself…

13_-_diamonds_on_the_soles_of_her_shoes_-_greatest_hits

1.)  Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

To know this song, is to love it.

I first heard this version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow probably about ten years ago.  It was playing in the credits at the end of a movie, which I can’t remember what that movie was now.  I absolutely loved it, and I have loved it ever since.

When I met Matt I found out that he loved it, too, and it basically became the theme song of our relationship.  It was playing when we got engaged, I walked down the aisle at our wedding to it, and we also had our first dance to it, too.  We both just absolutely love it, and maybe that’s because we both love Hawaii, and this song reminds us of paradise.  Either way, it’s a beautiful song, and in my opinion, the most beautiful ever.

Brother Iz is the bomb.

Listen below…

14_-_somewhere_over_the_rainbow_-_what_a_wonderful_world_-_facing_future

~The End

Photos courtesy of blog.ctnews.com, amazon.com, freecodesource.com, worleygig.com, blog.needsupply.com, eightoclocktwilight.wordpress.com, rockhall.com, musicstack.com.

The Guy That Says Goodbye To You Is Out Of His Mind

This is one of the sweetest songs I have heard in a very, very long time, and if you haven’t heard it yet, give it a listen.  Please?  I promise you won’t regret it, and it may even touch your soul a little, too.  Maybe?  You never know…

(Just click on this link –>) The Guy That Says Goodbye To You Is Out Of His Mind

The Guy That Says Goodbye To You Is Out Of His Mind

By: Griffin House

You don’t need to change a thing about you babe
I’m telling you
From where I sit, you’re one of a kind
Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work you and they make you cry
But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind
Well I been down and I need your help I’ve been feeling sorry for myself
Don’t hesitate to boost my confidence
I been lost and I need direction, I could use a little love-protection
What do you say, honey, come to my defense?
I’ll stand up for you if it’s what you need and I can take a punch, I don’t mind to bleed
As long as afterwards you feel bad for me
And you give me all of your attention I got deep desire and it needs quenchin’
I think that’s pretty plain for you to see
Hell, enough about me and more about you cause that’d be the gentlemanly thing to do
I hope you like your men sweet and polite
I thought I was done with telling you but I ain’t nearly halfway through
I got a few more things I’d like to say to you tonight
You don’t need to change a thing about you babe
I’m telling you
From where I sit you’re one of a kind
Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry
But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind
You always did kind of drive me crazy and pissed me off ‘cause I let it faze me
But I never wanted my time with you to end
Now I’m back in town for a day or two and mostly I came back just to see you
I’m leaving now but I don’t want to go
You don’t need to change a thing about you babe
I’m telling you
From where I sit you’re one of a kind
Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry
But the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind

Don’t you sometimes just need to hear that you’re a gem, and that someone would have to be straight up crazy to say goodbye to you?  That’s what I love about this song, it reminds you that someday someone will adore you for everything you are, everything you almost are, and everything you can and will be…(Basically like Dorothy Boyd said in Jerry Maguire.)

So, remember that the guy/girl who says goodbye to you is out of their mind, and that they can go blow.  You’ve got better things to do.

P.S.  I asked Matt to send me the mp3 of this song in an email when he was sitting at his desk studying, and when I opened it, there was the link and an email that said, “From where I sit, you’re one of a kind.”  <–Ummm…Ceeeee-UUUUte, right?

Glad he never said goodbye to me…

P.P.S.  Hope you all liked the song…

~The End.

Remember When…

Remember when…

Britney Spears wearing a sexy school girl outfit in her video Hit Me Baby (One More Time)  was scandalous?

Brit Brit was the talk of the town...

And now this is what we consider scandalous…

Taylor Momsen, who at 16, flashed a crowd at a performance and talked openly in interviews about sex and vibrators. Ummm, WHAT?!

Remember when…

Wearing jeans that practically showed your unmentionables (both front and back) was cool?  <–P.S.  What was that all about?  You couldn’t even sit down without your crack making an appearance, and from the front you had to make sure your you know what wasn’t showing.  Ummm…sounds AWKWARD and uncomfortable now.

From what I remember, the zipper would only be, like, 1 inch long.

Now we’ve graduated to wearing the “mom jeans” (sorry to all the mom’s out there, it’s just an expression) again…

Still not sure how I feel about these...

Remember when…

Brad Pitt seemed sweet and dated Gwenny?  They had matching haircuts/color and everything…

Awww, ain't that sweet?

And when he still seemed sweet and met and married Jen?

C'mon, can we get a collective "Awwwww..." up in this piece already?

And then when he turned into a huge a-hole when he met Angie (as he calls her…Barf) Jolie?

He even recently called his former marriage to Jen, and I quote, "boring and fake." Ummm...Eeew?

Remember when…

Cell phones used to basically be cordless telephones?

This Nokia was the very first phone I had...

And now we’re all high tech and sh*t…

And have the iPhone with all these crazy apps, and can also (GASP!!) go on the interweb?! Fancy pants.

Remember when…

Kennedy was a VJ on MTV?

Didn't she seem so cool at the time?

And Jesse…

OMGEEEE...

And who could forget Carson?

And remember when he was engaged to Tara Reid, and was said to have slept with Britney AND XTina? So outrageous...

Now we have Damien?  I’m so out of the loop I don’t even know who he is…(I totally had to google “MTV Vj’s 2011″)…

Who the h is this dude anyway?

Remember when…

My flip-flop got stuck on the rug in the bathroom when I went to sit down on the toilet, and I totally fell off and skinned by elbow yesterday?

Oh wait, I don’t have a picture of that…<–You’re prob relieved, right?!

And yeah, that really happened…

Remember when…

Everyone was obsessed with Tommy Girl?

So crispy, so fresh...

And Sunflowers?

Oh, nostalgia....

And who could forget CK One?

The original unisex scent...fab.

Now we have…

Gotta love the Burb...

So…

What are some of your “remember when’s?”

~The End…

All photos courtesy of MTV, IMDB, and Perfumania.

Everyone Gets Old…Well, Except For Maybe Barbie…

So, lately I’ve realized that I’m slowly becoming geriatric.  I know, I know, I’m only 28, so how is that possible?  Well, it is, and this story is sad, but true (P.S. This has absolutely nothing to do with the song Runaround Sue), but more to do with some very unfortunate realities that at some point we youngin’s have to accept.  Now, some of us have to accept this sooner than others (such as moi), but no matter what, everybody has to come to terms with aging sooner or later anyway.

I must disclose, there have been signs for at least a year now that I’m becoming somewhat of a fossil, but up until now, I was in denial.  However, after becoming conscious of the fact that I’m doing some very old-timer-esque things, it’s time to come clean, and make a change, and hopefully it will feel so good, make a difference, and feel so right<–like Michael Jackson said.

So, I bring you…

Top 5 Reason’s I’ve Been Acting Old:

Ratings are on a scale from 1-101 = not acting that old, and 10 = practically acting like a senior…

In no particular order…

1.)  I unintentionally started to use products that my G-ma used to love, (e.g. Ponds cold cream, and ivory soap.)  I thought I had discovered some really inexpensive beauty gems, until I told my mom of my new-found beauty regimen, and she reminded me that those were also my grandma’s favorite products. Dang it.  Old Fogie Rating Of: 8

2.)  I have discovered that I am now lactose intolerant, and now have to drink Lactaid milk, and take Lactaid pills any time I want to consume dairy.  I don’t think you really need/want to here about the reasons how I came to this conclusion, so I won’t even go there, because things could get really awkward for all of us.  Deal?  Since this one is really not my fault or choosing, I give it an Old Fogie Rating Of: 5

Apparently I'm not the only one getting old...

3.)  Lately I have had a new love for food that doesn’t require any chewing…e.g. soup, and oatmeal<–‘Nuff said.  Old Fogie Rating Of: 7

4.)  I used to absolutely hate the song Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye, mostly because when I was about 17, I was at a wedding and saw a bunch of couples my parents age grinding to it on the dance floor, so I always associated it with middle age booty dancing, and the song has remained timelessly awkward to me ever since….until…I recently heard it while grocery shopping, and had an intense urge to start grooving to the beat myself.  I held myself back, and resorted to humming along to it instead…regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Old Fogie Rating Of: 7

5.)  When Matt and I were on our honeymoon in Kauai, we spent a lot of time listening to old island music on a local radio station in our rented car.  Okay, okay, so that doesn’t exactly constitute as acting old, but the following does.  After a week or so of nothing but ukulele’s, we decided to find a radio station that played the Top 40’s…before I proceed, let me just say that it could have merely been that we started off on the wrong foot, because the first song we heard was Akon’s “I Just Had Sex.”  All I know is, we took one look at each other, mumbled something to the effect of, “What is this music these days?!” and I think I also remarked that it was “giving me a headache,” (which is so something that my dad used to say when we’d be listening to radio when I was a teenager.) Anyway, we listened to it for about 30 seconds, and flipped the radio right back to the ukulele station.  Old Fogie Rating Of: 9

I have other reasons, too, but I think you get the point by now…

I also want to say that along with these ways I’ve been acting old, I have also been feeling kind of old.  For example, on my honeymoon I saw a group of girls, who were no older than 21, frolicking along the beach in their bikini’s, with no cellulite, and a beer in one hand.  It was obvious that they could still drink those beers, without a fear of gaining a beer gut just yet, and it’s not even as though I like beer (because I actually hate it) but I felt, well…OLD.  I tried to remind myself that I’m not old, and that normally in other circumstances, I feel confident with myself…but I couldn’t help it, I still felt old.  I wouldn’t trade where I’m at in my life for anything, but sometimes, you can’t help it, you still just feel how you feel, even if it’s irrational.

Anyway, I think I would rather just embrace the fact that I am getting older, than fight it, but I have to remind myself to not lose sight of the fact that I am still only 28 for God’s sake!  Everybody gets older.  Everybody. 

Well, except for maybe..

The Barb-inator...

But sooner or later, even those girls who I saw on my honeymoon?  Well, they’re going to get old one day, too.

All photos courtesy of Barbie inc., and Anne Taintor.